Stacking the Drama Pilots: A Pilot Inspektor Preview

With the network upfronts scheduled for next week (I cannot wait!), I thought I'd take a look at this year's current crop of pilots, some of which will blossom into full grown series next week. I can honestly say that I have now read every single drama and comedy pilot at every single broadcast and cable network that is up for consideration for the 2007-08 schedule. (It's a demanding job but somebody has to do it.)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, every single one. From Cashmere Mafia to Marlowe, The Return of Jezebel James to I'm in Hell (a fitting title), no pilot is beneath this Televisionary's piercing gaze. So which drama pilots did I like and what new series do I hope will make it onto their respective networks' schedules? Sit back and find out.

Dirty Sexy Money (ABC): Equally one of my favorite drama pilot scripts this year (save the remarkable Damages, which has been ordered to series at FX), it is a tantalizing combination of Arrested Development and Dynasty, populated by a far-too-wealthy-for-their-own-good family and filled with eccentric characters, hairpin plot twists, and zany soap-ish fun. Plus, it's got an amazing cast in Peter Krause, Donald Sutherland, Jill Clayburgh, William Baldwin (hope someone's watching his voicemail messages), and Samaire Armstrong, among others. I'm really hoping this makes it onto the schedule and, so far, the buzz has been really building.

Journeyman (NBC): A quirky time travel drama that doesn't feel like any other time travel TV series or movie you've ever seen. This is no Quantum Leap, but a deeply personal story about love, loss, and the possibly unwanted ability to find a second chance. Deftly blending sci fi, drama, romance, this pilot has a fantastic lead in Kevin McKidd (Rome) and more than a few twists up its sleeve. Very intriguing and the rare male-driven drama that has female appeal, to boot.

Pushing Daisies (ABC): Takes home the prize for most original and quirky drama this season. Written by the uber-talented Bryan Fuller (Wonderfalls, Heroes), it's the story of a man (Wonderfalls' Lee Pace) with the ability to bring people back from the dead, but there's a painful price to this dark gift (naturally). Instead of falling into self-loathing, he opens a pie shop and works with a detective to scam money from unsolved murders by reviving and then questioning the victims... until he encounters a corpse he recognizes belonging to his one lost childhood love (Anna Friel). Brilliant, moving, and funny (look for Swoozie Kurtz as a shotgun-toting aunt), it's groundbreaking and original and probably too good for American television. Buzz has been building as the pilot turned out much better than the nay-sayers thought.

Chuck (NBC): Imagine if The O.C.'s Seth Cohen grows up into an even more geeky 20-something slacker, accidentally downloads the entire NSA database into his brain and is coerced into helping the intelligence agencies into providing analysis of the raw data... while still not being able to get a date with the girl next door. It's Chuck, a charming action-dramedy from The O.C. creator Josh Schwartz, which might just be my next guilty pleasure.

Fort Pit (NBC): A darkly mordant Hill Street Blues for the new millennium filled with unlikable characters that you can't take your eyes off of and an atmosphere bristling with energy and rawness.

Los Duques (CBS): A gripping and soapy drama about a family-controlled rum empire and the feud between the titular characters and a takeover-savvy rival clan (including Rome's Polly Walker as an untrustworthy femme fatale). It's a fun, compulsive read with unexpected plot twists, including a very risky endgame reveal that changes your perceptions of Jimmy Smits' family man. Expect the name of this pilot, written by Cynthia Cidre, to change if ordered to series.

Big Shots (ABC): The pilot that has undergone more name changes than any other the past few months (some still call it the Untitled Jon Harmon Feldman pilot), but it's a male-driven Desperate Housewives, populated by way too wealthy CEOs shouldering too much responsibility with multi-billion dollar companies, demanding wives and mistresses, and secrets galore.

Bionic Woman (NBC): The latest script draft, rewritten by Kidnapped creator Jason Smilovic, pushed this up my list. It's a risky proposition, re-imagining classic 70s action drama The Bionic Woman but this redo, overseen by BSG's David Eick, puts a dark, contemporary spin on the bionically-enhanced Jamie Sommers (EastEnders' Michelle Ryan), forced to care for her prickly younger sister (Arrested Development's Mae Whitman) who finds herself enlisted in a secret war between the government and others like her. Look for BSG's Katee Sackhoff to potentially steal the show as Sarah Corvus. Gee, what could she want from our girl Jamie? I'm particularly intrigued to see the finished pilot, which will either be brilliant fun or a soggy, overwrought mess, but I am leaning towards the former, which would make it a perfect 10 pm companion to Heroes.

Sarah Connor Chronicles (FOX): Fight the future. A huge-budget household name franchise taken in a completely different direction, it's a fiercely riveting action adventure following Sarah Connor (Lena Headey), a woman with the ferocity of a wounded mama bear, protecting her 15-year-old son John Connor (Thomas Dekker), who might just be humanity's last chance at surviving the coming war. Look for Summer Glau and Owain Yeoman to turn up as the Connors attempt to take down Skynet in the hopes of averting the global catastrophe in the future.

Winters (NBC): It's not just a drama about a female cop from the fertile minds of Peter Blake and David Shore (House); it's an addictive guessing game of a pilot script with one of TV's most unreliable narrators. Christie Winters (Famke Janssen) isn't your every day cop: she's better dressed, sexier, and, oh, a compulsive liar in this captivating police procedural. Watch as she solves crimes, makes enemies, gets saddled with a new partner (Dorian Missick), attempts dating, and evades internal affairs. Is she a crooked cop or just a lying cop with a penchant for uncovering the truth?

Those are my favorite drama pilots, anyway. There are a bunch that I think are really good, solid dramas (like NBC's Lipstick Jungle), but you get the idea. Which drama pilots are you most excited about? And which ones make you want to throw your television out the window (that would be New Amsterdam, Babylon Fields, and Twilight for me)?

In the meantime, be sure to come back tomorrow to see my comedy pilot picks.

Pilot Inspektor: ABC's "Traveler"

Ah, May. It's the busiest time of the year, between season finales of your favorite series, the network upfronts, LA Screenings, and the massive culling of series chaff.

Yet this year, networks are launching several new series at the end of the month. Some will be little more that warm weather burnoff while others make me salivate (CBS' Pirate Master, for example). Then there are the ones that I'm curious enough about to want to watch more than a single episode. ABC's new series Traveler definitely falls in the latter camp. (Originally intended to air last fall, ABC cut back the action series' episodic order from 13 episodes to 8 and pushed the launch to summer.) Traveler isn't perfect but it is intriguing, offering a respite from mindless reality shows, drama repeats, and whatever the hell VH-1 is airing.

For those of you up not to speed, here's the skinny. Three best friends, newly freed from the shackles of grad school, girlfriends, and student housing, decide to have one last hurrah before joining the productive members of society in the so-called Real World and organize a road trip. Jay Burchell (Tru Calling's Matthew Bomer) is a future lawyer whose task is to try to keep the group from getting arrested. Tyler Fog (The OC's Logan Marshall-Green, nearly unrecognizable with a foppish blonde haircut) is the son of a shady multi-billionaire who was convicted for conspiracy during the Iran-Contra affair. And then there's Will Traveler (X-Men 2's Aaron Stanford), the enigmatic final member of their impossibly good-looking troika who seems to be the mastermind behind their road trip. As a prank, he urges Tyler and Jay to rollerblade down the stairs of the Drexler Museum (filling in here for the prestigious Metropolitan Museum of Art) as he videotapes their harmless fun. During their high-speed exit from the building, the fire alarms are pulled and everyone is forced to exit the building. Once outside, Tyler and Jay call Will, who apologizes... and promptly detonates a bomb inside the museum.

Jay and Tyler are caught on CCTV footage that instantly appears on the news (just how did the footage get leaked that quickly?) and return to their hotel to discover that Will's stuff is gone, their car is gone, and they are wanted by the FBI in connection with the blast. Hot on their tails are Agent Fred Chambers (Desperate Housewives' Steven Culp) and Agent Jan Marlow (Viola Davis)... and some other people who seem to want the friends silenced permanently. As Jay and Tyler try to make their way out of Manhattan, they are drawn deeper and deeper into a vast web of conspiracy that may involve everyone they know. Their only choice is to discover the true identity of Will Traveler (who seems to have never existed) and prove their innocence.

Sounds fun, no? It is, to some extent. Much of the action requires a willing suspension of disbelief as I do find it somewhat improbable that in a vigilant post-9/11 Manhattan no one would notice the two punks currently on TV everywhere who may have blown up the Presidential Art Collection at a beloved museum. And who have made zero effort to disguise themselves (not even a baseball cap, until the very end) or blend in (well, Jay does pop the collar on his denim jacket). Additionally, we're led to believe that Will Traveler may have been planning this bombing (or been involved in the planning) from before the threesome even met; a "coincidence" leads all three Cubs fans to end up in the same student housing on the first day of grad school and they quickly become firm friends.

Matthew Bomer is largely sympathetic as Jay Burchell, haunted by the scandal-laden death of his soldier father, while Logan Marshall-Green seems a little too washed out in this role. (He's normally much more charismatic and memorable as a bad boy rather than a rich boy with a Black Card.) Still, it's Aaron Stanford's Will Traveler who adds enough mystery and suspense to keep this thing kicking.

There's something big going on here, which involves expert timing not to mention a large bankroll; it also involves Tyler's dad Carlton Fog (William Sadler, pitch perfect as always) and a bribe-accepting hotel bellhop who initially seems to be channeling the spirit of Bagger Vance. Someone got very rich from the blast and someone has pinned this on these two playboys for a reason.

It's a fun ride, one filled with dozens of intriguing concepts and questions and conspiracy theories, but the smartest thing ABC may have done with the series is to postpone it to summer, in an effort to remove the slick Traveler from the glut of failed serialized dramas that ABC tried out and dumped earlier this season (ahem, The Nine, Day Break, Six Degrees). Even if much of what happens tests your belief, I do think it's a perfect summer show, a tasty trifle of suspense and action that requires a lot less brainpower than, say, the most recent episode of Lost.

Which isn't a bad thing. I'll be tuning in this summer to see just who Will Traveler really was and what this whole conspiracy is really about. And if, for some reason, Traveler doesn't make it to its 8-episode climax, it still will have been more entertaining and suspenseful than the entire current season of 24.

"Traveler" gets a sneak peek May 10th at 10 pm, before officially launching May 30th on ABC.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: NCIS (CBS); Dateline (NBC); Gilmore Girls (CW); George Lopez/George Lopez (ABC); American Idol (FOX)

9 pm: The Unit (CBS); Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC); Veronica Mars (CW); Dancing with the Stars (ABC); House (FOX)

10 pm: CSI: New York (CBS); Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC); Boston Legal (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: Gilmore Girls.

I've given up on this once-great drama, but for the few of you out there still watching (there's potentially 13 more lousy episodes next season!), here's what's going on. On tonight's episode ("Lorelai? Lorelai?"), Lorelai tries to cheer up Rory by taking her for a day of shopping and invites Luke to join them at a karaoke bar. Yawn.

9 pm: Veronica Mars.

Finally! Veronica Mars returns from its way-too-long hiatus next week with a brand new episode ("Un-American Graffiti"), in which a Middle Eastern restaurateur hires Veronica to discover who has been vandalizing his restaurant, while Papa Keith, now acting sheriff, begins a program in which his deputies conduct ID checks in all of Neptune's bars.

Pilot Inspektor: CBS' "Smith"

I may just have to change my original "What I'll Be Watching This Fall" post, as I sat down and finally watched CBS' new crime drama Smith this weekend. (What? It's taken me a long time to make my way through the stack of pilot DVDs.) While it's on following Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars on Tuesday nights (10 pm ET/PT, to be exact), I'm going to be sure to leave enough room on my TiVo to make sure that I catch this compelling, amoral drama.

While one can't help but be impressed by what might just be the most marquee-friendly cast in primetime--Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen, Jonny Lee Miller, Amy Smart, Simon Baker, and Franky G all star and Shohreh Aghdashloo has a recurring role--the pilot's premise alone earned major points in my book: it's a crime drama from the point of view of the criminals, who engage in high-stakes heists. But don't be alarmed; it's nothing like NBC's short-lived Heist. Instead, think of it as The Italian-American Job. Still co-starring Franky G, but without all of those adorable Mini Coopers everywhere.

Ray Liotta stars as Bobby, a married family man whose job for a plastic cup manufacturer is a disguise for his life as a crime mastermind. (The scene where Bobby kisses his wife goodbye, drives his sensible car to a secret apartment and opens up a treasure chest of gadgets before zooming off in a sweet ride is priceless.) Bobby is your typical reluctant thief; three or four more big jobs and he's out. He swears. Bobby wants a normal life, but how can you go from plotting elaborate heists to picking the kids up from soccer practice? Fortunately, Bobby's wife Hope (Virginia Madsen) isn't one of those clueless wives unaware of her husband's illicit schemes. Instead, Hope has a number of secrets of her own, including a rather drug-fueled felonious past herself, and she's onto what Bobby's been up to by the end of the pilot.

What Bobby is up to is the theft of two priceless paintings from a museum in Pittsburgh; the payment is a cool $2 million. And so Bobby quickly assembles his loyal team, each of whom brings their own set of skills (and drama): surfer/marksman Jeff (Simon Baker in a virtuoso performance); straight-from-jail Brit Tom (Jonny Lee Miller); gambling addict/tech guy Sean (Mike Doyle); sultry Vegas showgirl Annie (an icy Amy Smart); and body shop-owner Joe (Franky G). Don't get too attached to all of them though, as one of the above doesn't make it out of the pilot alive. (One guess who.) Adding to the tension is the fact that Tom and Annie have a history together, one that landed him in the slammer. And while he's willing to fall for her seductions, I have a feeling that Tom is also out for revenge.

I won't recount the action of the heist, just that it typically doesn't go quite according to plan and when criminals are forced to improvise, the results are usually bloody. Smith is no different in this respect but, fortunately, the gang (most of them anyway) are able to make a getaway in order to plan another caper for another day.

All of Smith's actors are operating at the top of their game. Liotta is a joy to watch in a nuanced double role; part gun-wielding felon, part piano-playing husband and father. He appears calm and controlled sitting at the piano, an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, but in the next scene, his predatory drive emanates from him palpably. Likewise, Madsen is far from underused in her role of Hope, also playing two distinct personalities inhabiting the same body. The transformation that overtakes her when she realizes that Bobby is back in the game is so subtle yet powerful, as she becomes increasingly aware of being kept in the dark. (I don't know how Smith's producers managed to snag Madsen, but I hope they realize what a gem they have on their hands.)

Jonny Lee Miller is perfect as a morose and crushed felon who wanders right back into the thieving business less than a minute after walking out of prison. Amy Smart's Annie is a cold-blooded mercenary; she's as slick as silk and never misses a trick. That said, she's as brutal and deadly as a black widow. Shohreh Aghdashloo is brilliant as the gang's elegant, high-end fence; attending a wedding reception, she purrs and smiles as she and Bobby casually discuss a heist in the same way two others might a cocktail party. Even Franky G doesn't bother me as he usually does; here he plays an upstanding body shop owner with his eye on his best friend's wife.

But the real find here has got to be Simon Baker. It's simply impossible to take your eyes off his character Jeff, whether he's surfing in Hawaii or kicking a cat across the room (don't ask). There's a leonine grace about him and just as much presence. Previously known for his work on CBS' The Guardian and feature films like The Ring 2 and Land of the Dead, Baker's performance in Smith has redefined him as a star and I expect him to be one of the breakout actors of this fall.

One of the interesting elements of Smith is the show's skewed perspective. By coming at a crime drama from the POV of the criminals, I was expecting to find them somewhat neutered and completely sympathetic individuals (see Ocean's Eleven if you're looking for that). Instead, while we get to see Bobby and Company go about their daily lives and interact with family and friends, they are portrayed as genuinely bad guys. They're not above murder to achieve their ends; in fact, Jeff casually takes out two men with a sniper rifle in his very first scene after they shoo him off a "private" beach. Jeff and Annie might very well be sociopaths (see how Annie greets an "old friend" en route to the heist for an example). In the end, these are not cuddly criminals; rather, they're people you do not want to mess around with.

With Smith, John Wells (ER) has delivered a taut, gripping crime drama with genuine thrills and complex characters usually found in feature films than in television dramas. Every aspect of the pilot was magnificent, from the dazzling cast to the sparse script and tight direction. Clocking in at well over an hour, I'm not sure how much of this amazing pilot will make it on the air (unless CBS stuns us all by airing the entire pilot in a 1 1/2 hour slot), but the effect is breathtaking. Every line of dialogue, every glance, every moment of silence, is loaded with meaning and intent, yet the pilot never feels slow or overstuffed, despite its long runtime.

In fact, my only complaint is that Smith's title is so lackluster that it doesn't convey the energy and crackle of the show at all. (It refers to the nom du guerre given to Bobby by the FBI agents assigned to the museum case.) But that's a small issue for such a mightily entertaining show to overcome. So, while Liotta's Bobby might not be an Everyman, this is one Smith that definitely will stand apart from the pack.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The King of Queens/How I Met Your Mother (CBS); Treasure Hunters (NBC); 7th Heaven (WB); Wife Swap (ABC); Hell's Kitchen (FOX); Major League Baseball (UPN)

9 pm: Two and a Half Men/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); Treasure Hunters (NBC); 7th Heaven (WB); Supernanny (ABC); Hell's Kitchen (FOX)

10 pm: CSI: Miami (CBS); Medium (NBC); How to Get the Guy (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8-9 pm: Spaced on BBC America.

If you missed Friday's Stateside premiere of the 1999 sitcom Spaced (starring Shaun of the Dead's Simon Pegg), here's your chance to catch the first two episodes before another episode airs Friday. In the first episode ("Beginnings"), Tim (that would be Pegg) and Daisy are forced to pose as a couple in order to rent an apartment. On the second episode ("Gatherings"), Daisy and Tim decide to host a party a their new flat.

9 pm: Hell's Kitchen.

On tonight's installment ("8 Chefs"), Gordon switches the seriously uneven teams up a bit. And, it's a Hell's Kitchen first: the restaurant is open for lunch service and they're serving... children. If you thought that Top Chef's cafeteria challenge was a disaster, wait until the Hell's Kitchen crew fail to get their entrees out. There's no way I would miss this. And the idea of seeing Gordon Ramsay interacting with small children? Well, that just makes me shriek with glee.

9 pm: Treasure Hunters.

On tonight's episode--no, sorry, I just cannot watch it. After seeing the premiere, this is definitely one summertime offering that I'll be skipping out on.

11 pm: Lovespring International on Lifetime.

On tonight's episode, Lydia (Wendi McLendon-Covey) and Victoria (Jane Lynch) go on a stakeout together in order to receive a bonus check from a client. Until you've seen McLendon-Covey attempting to scale a chain-link fence in heeled boots, you haven't lived. Trust me.

Pilot Inspektor: The CW's "Runaway" and "Hidden Palms"

I decided to switch gears a bit today and take a look at two pilots that the new CW network ordered to series: Runaway, which premieres this fall, and Hidden Palms, which the CW has decided to hold until mid-season.

While both deal with a mix of teen and adult actors and storylines, the two shows couldn't be more different and I would have swapped Runaway for Hidden Palms. I'm no network programmer, but Hidden Palms is easily the superior of the two series and could have used the visibility of a fall launch to gain an audience early on.

Runaway

From executive producer Darren Star (Sex and the City), Runaway is the story of the Rader family, on the run after papa Paul Rader (Donny Wahlberg) is framed for the murder of his assistant/girlfriend. When it becomes clear that his family's lives are in danger from the people who set him up, Paul packs up wife Lily (24's Leslie Hope), teenage kids Henry (Dustin Milligan), and Hannah (Sarah Ramos), and eight-year-old son Tommy (Nathan Gamble) and they begin a life on the run, assuming new identities and backstories with each town they stumble upon. On their trail is an FBI team bent on retrieving Paul and bringing him to justice, as well as the source of the mysterious conspiracy that has placed the Rader family squarely in this mess.

But the Raders are tired of running and leaving behind what few connections they manage to grow and they plonk down some roots-however temporary-in the idyllic town of Bridgewater, Iowa. In between looking for a wi-fi signal for his nifty-looking Blackberry-type device, Paul takes a job as a line cook at a local café, the kids enroll in school, and Lily makes up a rather astonishing lie about them being Hurricane Katrina survivors when she's pulled over by a cop after running though a stop sign. The kids are growing restless however: Henry misses his girlfriend Kaylie, whom he had to leave behind, and briefly runs away with the family's car, little Tommy can't remember his latest cover story, and Hannah soon falls for the son of their next-door neighbor (Andrew Lawrence). Your typical teen/family drama ensues.

It's hard to see anything of exec producer Darren Star in this shlocky, glacially paced drama. Given the show's pedigree, I was hoping that we'd see some witty dialogue or three-dimensional characters, but it's hard to sympathize entirely with any of the Rader clan members. Flashbacks attempt to give the audience some backstory on the family before they were forced to go on the lam, but they don't inform any of the characters and the scenes are rather banal (Lily orders a delivery of chicken for dinner and argues with the kids). Worse still, the corporate conspiracy storyline is flat and uninspired, especially compared with that of Kidnapped, Vanished, or Traveler. Ultimately, this is no Prison Break; rather it's something more along the lines of 7th Heaven on the run. Everwood fans looking for a timeslot replacement for their beloved (and now deceased) show will have to look elsewhere.

Hidden Palms

On the other hand, I was rather entertained and intrigued by the pilot for Hidden Palms, the latest offering from Kevin Williamson (Dawson's Creek, Scream), which joins the CW's lineup in the spring. While Williamson's last few series have failed to click with viewers (Wasteland, Glory Days), he's returned with this series to the blend of thriller/mysteries and teen angst that he's best known for. The result is something along the lines of Desperate Housewives meets The OC, though I wish that the emphasis weren't so much on the Wisteria Lane angle.

Back in Seattle, Johnny Miller (The OC's Taylor Handley) was the perfect son: studious, well behaved, and clean-cut. But that was before his drunk father (guest star Tim DeKay of HBO's Carnivale) shot himself right in front of Johnny's eyes. Two years and a stint in a rehab facility later, Johnny and his mom Karen (Gail O'Grady) arrive in a luxury gated community in Palm Springs. Karen's now remarried-rather quickly, no less-to the attentive if naïve Bob Hardy (D.W. Moffat) and Johnny? Well, he's turned into a bit of a grungy rebel: longhaired, camera 'round his neck, offering up pithy and sarcastic observations of his new environs. But like Desperate Housewives' Wisteria Lane, the neighborhood that they've moved to has its own share of secrets and odd characters... including the object of Johnny's affections, a mysterious teenage siren named Greta (Amber Heard) who enjoys running through the golf course sprinklers at night, a swinging married couple who aren't above bribing a land surveyor with sex, a tomboyish teenage mad scientist named Liza (Ellary Porterfield), a shrewish nosy neighbor (Cheryl White) hellbent on driving everyone crazy, and an aging Southern belle (Sharon Lawrence) and her teenage son Cliff (The OC's Michael Cassidy), an oily playboy who might have had a hand in the fate of Eddie, the kid who used to live in the Hardys' house.

There's a bit of a teen conspiracy here, as Cliff, Greta, and the mayor's daughter Michelle (The Nine's Dana Davis), are all keeping tight-lipped about what exactly happened to Eddie--Cliff says it was an accident, Greta claims it was suicide--and it will be some time before Johnny (or the audience) learns what actually happened that fateful night.

There's also a rather tight love triangle between Johnny, Greta, and Cliff that has none of the lingering bitter aftertaste of the Joey/Pacey/Dawson romance. While the emphasis is split pretty evenly between the kids and the adults, I am hoping that subsequent episodes put more of a focus on our teen protagonists. Neighborhood land disputes and petty feuds might be funny, but it doesn't make for enthralling soapy drama.

While most of the cast is top notch (O'Grady, Lawrence, Moffat, and White are all superb), the best thing about the pilot is Michael Cassidy, who manages with his very first line to make us forget that he ever played a character named Zach on The OC. Cassidy is so self-assured and charismatic that it's impossible not to fall under Cliff's dangerous spell, as nearly everyone on Hidden Palms already has. This guy is an actor to watch and his performance teeters on a knife's edge as he makes Cliff both sympathetic and repulsive, no mean feat. Cassidy's former cast mate Taylor Handley also turns in a performance that's light years ahead of his portrayal of the detested Oliver on The OC.

I'm not totally set on Amber Heard, who plays the enigmatic Greta here; when she's on she's really on, but when she's bad, she's really bad (i.e., the scene by the pool where she deletes pictures of herself off of Johnny's camera). I'm not sure she nails the sexy/bitchy aspect of Greta all that well, though her emotional breakdown at the end of the pilot (as well as the surprising reveal at the very end) make me believe that she can find Greta's center as the series continues. That said, look for a few supporting cast shake-ups as the series gets underway and producers streamline the show.

(Keep an eye out for a hilarious cameo by Will & Grace's diminutive Beverley Leslie--a.k.a. actor Leslie Jordan--as Jessie Jo, a drag queen in Johnny's AA group who offers him some sage advice.)

Director Scott Winant does a fantastic job at capturing the heat and lethargy of Palm Springs, as well as its magnificently manicured lawns and pristine homes. The establishing shot of Palm Springs, a long take that shows the Hardys driving up to their new house, perfectly sets the tone for the show. I only wish that the scene in which Johnny chases the ghostly Greta through the golf course had been shot a little more clearly (it seems at first as if he lives on the course itself) and was a little more atmospheric and mysterious than matter-of-fact. The dialogue is trademark Williamson: teen characters speaking in rapid-fire metaphors that's Morse Code for their feelings and identity quests.

While the name irks--Hidden Palms sounds more like a retirement community for the elderly--this is one desert oasis where I wouldn't mind spending a few hours.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Gameshow Marathon (CBS); My Name is Earl/My Name is Earl (NBC); Smallville (WB); NBA Basketball (ABC; 8-11 pm); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX); Everybody Hates Chris/Love, Inc. (UPN)

9 pm: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS); My Name is Earl/My Name is Earl (NBC); Supernatural (WB); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX); Eve/Cuts (UPN)

10 pm: Without a Trace (CBS); Windfall (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

7-9 pm: Hex on BBC America. (10 pm EST)

I described it as a British Buffy in a boarding school and, until I see otherwise, I'm sticking by that description. In tonight's two-hour premiere ("The Story Begins"), Cassie is forced to claim her birthright after an ancient curse is unleashed upon her--wait for it--boarding school. Televisionary reader Bart says that reaction to the show's airing in the UK on Sky was not all that kind, so I might just have to reconsider putting this series on my watch list for this summer.

10 pm: Windfall on NBC.

I'm not totally convinced that I'll wind up watching the entire series, but I am definitely checking out tonight's premiere ("Pilot"), in which twenty friends win a lottery jackpot; with millions to their names, their relationships are changed forever. Now why can't something like that happen to me?

10 pm: 5 Takes: Pacific Rim on the Travel Channel.

On tonight's installment of 5 Takes: Pacific Rim ("Singapore"), the reality/travel show I just can't say enough about, the gang leaves the Antipodes for Singapore, where they'll dine on such delicacies as scorpions. Everyone now: mmmm, scorpions...

Pilot Inspektor: FOX's "Vanished"

There seem to be a number of trends with this season's batch of new series, whether they be numeric titles (20 Good Years, 30 Rock, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Six Degrees, and The Nine all join fellow digit-obsessed series 24, Two and a Half Men, One Tree Hill, 20/20, and the blatantly-named NUMB3RS on the schedule), series revolving around strangers brought together by fate (The Nine, Six Degrees, and Heroes), or a genre that seems to have captivated the national imagination in the wake of Lost, 24, and The Da Vinci Code: conspiracy dramas.

This season's pilots seem to have an inordinate fixation on vast reaching conspiracies and Kidnapped, Traveler, Runaway, and Vanished all deal with conspiracies involving missing persons (Kidnapped and Vanished) or wrongfully accused fugitives (Traveler and Runaway). While I'll get to those shows later--you can catch my review of Kidnapped from a few weeks ago here--let's take a look right now at FOX's pilot Vanished.

At first glance, Vanished bears more than a passing resemblance to NBC's missing-persons-serial Kidnapped, but upon closer scrutiny, the similarities between the two series end once you look past the subject matter. However, it is impossible not to compare the two shows--at least their respective pilots--which start out on the same path but quickly converge into two paths, with Vanished taking the road less traveled.

Vanished follows the story of three people: tarnished senior FBI agent Graham Kelton (Gale Harold), newly returned to work after a disastrous rescue mission ended in the kidnap victim--a child named Nathan--being blown to smithereens; tawdry broadcast news correspondent Judy Nash (Rebecca Gayheart) who thinks that this story could make her even more famous than than the victim; and Sara Collins (Joanne Kelly), the beautiful schoolteacher wife of an up-and-coming senator... who might not be all she appears to be or even WHO she seems to be.

Sara is set to give the opening remarks at a charity event at the Biltmore Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia when she's kidnapped from the hotel lobby and vanishes without a trace. Her husband, Senator Jeffrey Collins (John Allen Nelson), is distraught but immediately calls in the FBI. While he definitely has some political enemies--there's the matter of his not agreeing to vote along party lines--he can't help but remember that Sara had wanted to tell him something important earlier that evening. Sara was so concerned about something--it might have to do with that rather odd phone call she cut short before Jeffrey walked into the room--that she also left a rather curious voicemail message for her parents in Orlando.

Graham wants to know if Sara or Jeffrey were having an affair and Jeffrey immediately says that they were in love. Did Sara have any enemies? No, Jeffrey says, she was a schoolteacher. Does Jeffrey have any enemies? He is a politician, after all. What about his ex-wife, the mother of his children? She's in Europe. But they ended things amicably and she and Jeffrey talk every now and then, but their contact is limited. So then who would want to kidnap the senator's wife? And why hasn't there been any contact from the kidnapper for a ransom?

The clues start mounting up quickly. The senator's bratty daughter Marcy (Margarita Levieva) is initially also thought to be missing, but she winds up in the arms of her shady boyfriend Ben (Christopher Egan)... who might just be involved in Sara's disappearance. At first Marcy doesn't seem concerned at all by her step-mother's kidnapping but soon realizes that the man she plans on marrying (they were about to head off and elope when Graham and a SWAT team show up) is involving in something dangerous when she discovers a bloody shirt from the night Sara disappeared and a bag filled with cash. Could Ben have had something to do with Sara?

There's the matter of the home pregnancy test that Graham and his associate FBI Agent Lin Mei (Ming-Na) discover at the family's home, a test which initially makes Graham believe that Sara was pregnant, a fact that surprises Jeffrey. But since Sara's parents later confirm to Graham that Sara had endometriosis and couldn't conceive, that pregnancy test... which means that the test belongs to someone else. Someone like Marcy?

Graham and Lin Mei use the hotel's CC footage (and a rather ingenious use of glue pellets) to identify the man who was last seen with Sara, a man who identified himself as a hotel concierge and walked Sara to the house phones. They eventually find the man they're looking for and he's dead, stuffed in the trunk of his car, shot in the head, executioner-style. But what's eerie about the corpse is the fact that the palm of his hand has a weird tattoo--it sort of looks like an angular 9--and that tattoo was inked AFTER he was dead. Creepy...

The FBI come up with a timeline for all of Sara's movements the day of her disappearance and find a discrepancy: Sara claims that she had a dentist appointment but the dental office has no record of her coming in. But Graham and Co. are able to download Sara's true whereabouts from the GAPS signal trail in her BMW. It appears that she was in a small town, outside Atlanta. Graham and Lin Mei head out and get a waitress to positively identify Sara. She was there that day with another woman and every time she headed over to the table, they immediately got very quiet. Graham spies an ATM directly across the street from the cafe and the FBI is eventually able to use the footage from the ATM camera to get the woman's face. And--surprise, surprise--the woman Sara secretly met was none other than Jeffrey's ex-wife. The same ex-wife that's supposed to be in Europe...

Graham uses Jeffrey's ex-wife's cell phone number to triangulate her location and--wouldn't you know it--she's at the Biltmore Hotel, the very same place from which Sara was taken. The FBI raids her hotel room, but the ex-wife is gone. But someone must have tipped her off, because her room service coffee is still warm... Canvassing the room, the team discovers a program from Sara's charity event, ripped in half and some brown hair--possibly matching Sara's--that had been torn out at the root. Just what is Sara hiding? And what was going on between her and Jeffrey's ex-wife? But Jeffrey's son Max (John Patrick Amedori) has a few secrets of his own, most notably that he knows that his mother is in town and that he emails her that Jeffrey knows that she's in town and asks if he and his mom are still planning on meeting up with her the following day...

The final clue is even more baffling. The gun used to execute the fake hotel concierge was an extremely rare Luger pistol and there's only one gun of that make registered to anybody in the area. Graham and his team set out to raid the farmhouse where the gun's owner is said to live... but there's no one there and the place is deserted, save for quite a lot of flies. Slowly walking up the stairs, Graham and Lin Mei discover a rather shocking sight: the corpse of a missing governor's wife who had vanished ten years earlier. Her body has been immaculately preserved and she looks exactly the way she was the day she disappeared; she's been frozen up until now. But why? And then Graham finds a clue specifically meant for him: it's a prayer card--St. Nathan to be precise (the very same name of the kidnapped boy he couldn't save)--with a few numbers written on the back, including a familiar-looking number 9...

Meanwhile, broadcast journalist Judy and her boyfriend/cameraman Adam (Robert Hoffman) are trying to get to the bottom of the case their own way and they discover a nifty piece of information that Graham and his team don't have yet: this isn't the first time that Sara was kidnapped. But all news reports about her disappearance seem to have, well, disappeared. (Shades of Ruth Rendell/Barbara Vine's classic kidnapping novel "Gallowglass" here.) And in Boston, a stranger catches a glimpse of Judy's news report on Sara's kidnapping and recognizes Sara's photo but he knew her by a different name. She was his girlfriend and, when she agreed to marry him, she suddenly vanished.

I was actually surprised how much I enjoyed Vanished, especially since it wasn't really on my radar when I was looking for new shows I'd watch this fall. While I think that Kidnapped's Jeremy Sisto brings a lot more charisma and menace to his role as K&R expert Knapp, I hope that Vanished's Gale Harold kicks it up a little bit in subsequent episodes. His portrayal of Graham came across as a little flat and I found it harder to connect with him than Sisto's hero. While producers have given him a traumatic incident, a young daughter, and a semi-religious bend, Graham is pretty much a cipher; there's not much for Harold to work with there so far and his Graham is no Jack Bauer.

The rest of the cast is extremely good. Standouts include John Allen Nelson and Joanne Kelly, who portray Jeffrey and Sara Collins, respectively; both come across as extremely likeable and engaging, a difficult feat considering how little screen time they shared together. It was wonderful to see Gayheart in a tough, ambitious role playing someone who isn't all that sympathetic for once. I wish that Ming-Na had more to do as FBI Agent Lin Mei; so far Lin seems to stand in Graham's shadow a lot and run interference for him. Hopefully, they can become something more akin to partners in subsequent episodes and producers can deepen her role.

Created by Josh Berman (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation) and directed by Mimi Leder (John Doe, Deep Impact), the pilot is beautifully shot and gripping. While I had initially thought that Sara's disappearance would turn into a 24-style political/espionage thriller, the Da Vinci Code-esque religious clues scattered throughout take this series into an entirely surprising and unexpected direction. Something bigger is going on here than mere political vendettas and I wonder if Vanished will wrap it up in one season (a la the aforementioned 24) or if the Berman and Co. have plotted the series beyond Year One.

Will viewers take to Vanished's pseudo-religious plot and dense plotting? Only time will tell, but meanwhile I know that there's room in my heart (and on my TiVo's hard drive) for two kidnapping conspiracy shows this fall and it doesn't take a crack sleuth to figure out that Vanished will be one of them.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: NCIS (CBS); Last Comic Standing (NBC); Gilmore Girls (WB); According to Jim/Rodney (ABC); House (FOX); America's Next Top Model (UPN)

9 pm: The Unit (CBS); Last Comic Standing (NBC); Pepper Dennis (WB); According to Jim/Less Than Perfect (ABC); House (FOX); Veronica Mars (UPN)

10 pm: 48 Hours Mystery (CBS); Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC); Boston Legal (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: The Thick of It on BBC America (11 pm EST).

If you missed the fourth episode of this scathingly funny British political satire, here's your chance tonight to catch up before a new episode airs on Friday. Poor Ollie becomes the butt of everyone's jokes when he sleeps with an opposition reseacher. That is, until Malcolm focces Ollie to use his new girlfriend to obtain information. Oh, Malcolm, you crazy Scotsman, when will you ever learn?

Pilot Inspekor: ABC's "Six Degrees"

I know, I know. I said I'd be reviewing the pilot for ABC's new drama Six Degrees last week, but I was so completely distracted by the CW's botched pilot of Aquaman that it's taken me this long to get back to this drama pilot.

And unlike Aquaman/Mercy Reef, I really enjoyed Six Degrees, a far worthier addition to the J.J. Abrams/Bad Robot oeuvre than the ABC mid-season replacement What About Brian. Keeping with a rather familiar theme this season--fate bringing together strangers (it pops up here in Six Degrees, Heroes, and The Nine)--the pilot charts the interconnected stories of six Manhattanites who are separated until a quirk of fate slowly begins to bring them together. Before saying anything else, I have to immediately begin by saying that any show that has both the luminous Hope Davis and Campbell Scott as series regulars is already a hit in my book. But add to that Jay Hernandez, Erika Christensen, Doran Missick, and Bridget Moynahan, and you've got yourself a stew going. (Or a top flight cast, if you're not Carl Weathers.)

Christensen plays Mae, a free-spirited Manhattan transplantee with a dangerous secret... and a mysterious box. She's apparently on the run from someone (husband? ex-boyfriend? espionage agency?) and hiding out in NYC. But her cover is blown when she's arrested for indecent exposure and resisting arrest after stripping off her top and climbing onto the front of a garbage truck, after a night out on the town. Her court-appointed lawyer Carlos (Hernandez) manages to get the charges dropped by calling in a few favors, but really he's fallen for her in a major way. But Mae's no dummy and she gives him a fake telephone number and moves out of her apartment in order to evade whomever she's running from... but Carlos is smitten and is determined to track her down.

He eventually tracks Mae to her place of employment: a rather happening nightclub... one he can't get into. Which is where he runs into Damian (Doran Missick), a limousine driver he pays $50 to drive him up to the club in his car. Damian even throws in his suit jacket, sunglasses, and chain to even the odds (Carlos gives him his watch as collateral). Carlos manages to get in but, amidst the gyrating crowd, walks right by Mae without noticing. Mae's given her notice at the club but comes by to retrieve a mysterious box she's stored in the club's safe. What's in the box? We're not sure, but it might just be the reason why Mr. Dangerous is after her. Meanwhile, outside the club, Damian is confronted by two thugs who have come to collect some cash from Damian, who has a little bit of a gambling problem. (It doesn't help that his mobster brother has offered to pay off the debt if he'll come work for him, an offer that's a little too tempting.) Damian's getting beat up when Carlos comes to his rescue and the two speed off. Altruistic as ever, Carlos offers to help Damian with any legal, er, issues he might be facing, but Damian says that he'll take care of it.

Mae ends up dyeing her hair a mousy brown and begins going by the name of Claire. She doesn't want to leave NYC, despite the advice of her friend Eric. Instead, she decides to take an off-the-books job as a nanny for Laura(Davis). Laura is a widow whose broadcast journalist husband was killed while covering the war in Iraq six months earlier and she is finding it impossible to let go of her husband, watching his on-air death over and over again and still holding onto all of his possessions (and her engagement ring). She yearns for a major change in her life and tells her friend that she intends to start a new career as an interior designer. But before that can happen, she ends up meeting Whitney (Moynahan) at a local Korean nail joint. Seated next to each other, they first meet cute over choice of nail polish (ballet slippers layered over marshmallow) and then over the Sonic Youth t-shirt that Laura is wearing. Turns out that they were both at the same concert; what a coincidence! So much so that the two become fast friends and Whitney can tells Laura that she suspects that her lovely boyfriend is cheating on her.

Whitney recently received a promotion to partner at her ad adgency and she wears her businesswoman cred like a badge of honor. Her boyfriend is overjoyed by her promotion, but a little taken aback when she proposes to him. He says that it will happen, but he's a traditionalist and believes that it's the man's god-given right to propose. But later, when she discovers a profile of her boyfriend on an online dating site (Paul175), she's furious, but he claims that it was all a joke set up by one of the interns at work. She's suspicious and mentions all of this to Laura.

Whitney's first piece of business is to recruit a photographer whose work she saw on a postcard while jogging: Steven Caseman (Campbell Scott), a well-respected photog who seemed to disappear a few years earlier. Whitney wants Steven to shoot a campaign for a perfume client, but Steven's not interested in the least. His work captures real, genuine moments in the making; they can't be invented or scheduled. He rudely turns her down and storms out of her office.

But Steven has his own issues to worry about. Recently released from a rehab facility, Steven is clean for the first time in years and he sets out to rebuilt the many bridges he had burnt down while high. First stop: his estranged son, whom he goes to see outside his school. While his son is wary, he does want to know if Steven will be moving back in with him and his mom, but Steven sadly says no. Next up: a gallery owner whom Steven really messed up with. He begs for the opportunity to launch a show, a retrospective, anything... but Steven hasn't produced any new work. He can't find the inspiration...

Laura finally packs up her late husband's stuff and sends them off to Goodwill, but she has a breakdown in the street as she watches the truck drive off. There's a sense of real loss and finality as she finally lets go. As she sinks to the steps of her brownstone, who else spies her but Steven? As he looks through the lens of his camera, he's finally found inspiration and he takes the picture. Developing it in his apartment, we see that the muses have smiled upon Steven. He's back. And he apologizes to a rather displeased Whitney and is hired on an assignment for the agency.

Laura and Whitney stake out a bar where they're hoping to catch Whitney's boyfriend in a trap. Together, they answered Whit's boyfriend's personal ad and arranged a little meet between Paul175 and a would-be lover. As Whitney notices that Laura's not wearing her wedding ring, Whit's boyfriend shows up. Laura warns Whitney to be cool, but she angrily confronts him, and he quickly drags her outside. He knows that she was behind the ad... the profile was all too perfect. And besides, if he was planning to cheat, why would he have brought along a ring? He drops to one knee and proposes to her right there. Hmmm....

Damian ends up working a job for his mobster brother and winds up shooting a man, but saves the life of his brother. His brother agrees to pay off his debts if he completes one more job for him, a highly lucrative job in fact. Someone is looking for a young runaway and they'll pay well for her to be found. He hands Damian a packet of cash and a photograph of... Mae! (Ding, ding!)

Later, Carlos meets up with Damian at a bar and they talk about Carlos' "girl," unaware that she's the very same girl that Damian's been instructed to find. (Talk about awkward.) Sitting a little bit away from them? Why it's none other than Whitney's no-good fiance... and he's making out with a (rather mannish-looking) woman. What a cad!

Mae's paked her bags and isn't sure where she's heading next when she gets on the subway... and sits down right across from Carlos. The two smile at one another and Mae gets up and sits down next to Carlos. A match made in heaven? Or trouble with a capital T? I guess we'll have to wait until the second episode to find out, because that's all she wrote.

I thought that the pilot deftly handled those chance encounters--at a nail salon, on the subway--that make Manhattan tick. You never knows who you'll run into in the City on a given day, in a city of eight million people. And if every one on the planet is separated from one another by a trail of six people, it's a rather exhilarating and frightening thought. It was John Guare who first tackled the subject in his beautiful stage play Six Degrees of Separation (which was later adapted into a feature starring Will Smith, Donald Sutherland, and Stockard Channing), Six Degrees--the series--owes Guare a huge debt that goes beyond the similiar title. Guare's central premise infuses every moment of this series and gives each meeting and rendezvous an added weight of fate or destiny.

While some of those encounters may be a little far-fetched (Laura and Whitney bond over a Sonic Youth concert t-shirt and suddently become BFFs overnight; Carlos and Damian meet up at a bar after going their very separate ways), it's easy to accept them with a large grain of salt when you have as winning a cast as the one assembled here. Davis and Scott are, as always, at the top of their game... and it's great to see them as potential love interests, especially after their recent turn as a doomed married couple in Duma. Hernandez proves that he has leading-man sensibilities and can perform outside of horror genre pics like Hostel. Christensen reminds me of what I once glimpsed in her in Soderburgh's Traffic and she wears her contradictory vulnerability and toughness on her sleeve; her Mae is desperate to fit in while being invisible. Missick is likeablely garrulous while retaining some of Damian's dangerous identity buried just beneath the surface. And Moynahan's portrayal of Whitney goes beyond Armani suit-armored businesswoman; rather, she's a conflicted creature filled with ambition and desire and a whole dollop of mistrust.

In Guare's play, the central motif was embodied in a double-sided Kandinsky painting--Order on one side, Chaos on the other--and the same can be said about Six Degrees as well. Are these meetings and crossed paths the result of some cosmic destiny larger than the individuals? Or are they completely random and meaningless? Regardless of the answer, Six Degrees gave me enough fodder to make me a believer. And one who'll be tuning in this fall to find out the answer.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The King of Queens/How I Met Your Mother (CBS); Deal or No Deal (NBC; 8-9:30 pm); Everwood (WB; 8-10 pm); Wife Swap (ABC); Rush Hour 2 (FOX; 8-10 pm); One on One/All of Us (UPN)

9 pm: Two and a Half Men/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); The Apprentice (NBC; 9:30-11 pm); George Lopez/The 2006 ALMA Awards (ABC; 9:30-11 pm); Girlfriends/Half & Half (UPN)

10 pm: CSI: Miami (CBS)

What I'll Be Watching

10 pm: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations on the Travel Channel.

Part Two of Tony's trip to India. After attending an elaborate 21st birthday party for the son of royalty, in this week's episode ("India: Kolkata; Bombay"), Tony heads out to Kolkata and Mumbai on his quest to discover the magic of the subcontinent. Well, hey, at least it's not Jeremy Piven's Journey of a Lifetime.

11 pm: Lovespring International on Lifetime.

I know! Lifetime? Believe me, I never watch the women's network (well, maybe to get a Golden Girls fix every now and then), but I had the opportunity to screen the first three episodes of this improvised comedy, set in a dating agency based in Tarzana, California, and they were hilarious. Tonight's the premiere episode and--honestly--what else are you watching at 11 pm? (Well, okay, lots of things, but check this out at 6:30 pm tomorrow then.)

Pilot Inspektor: ABC's "The Nine"

It's a fantastic set up: a group of strangers, thrown together by fate, form unlikely bonds and are forced to come together when they're taken hostage during a bank robbery, a heist which might not be all that it seems. Meanwhile, outside the bank, police forces and hostage negotiators struggle to get the human shields released and take down the bad guys, who are themselves not all they seem.

I wish I could say that I was talking about ABC's new drama The Nine, but I'm not. Rather the above description, eerily similar to that of The Nine's pilot episode, belong's to Spike Lee's taut thriller from a few months back, Inside Man. During the screening of Inside Man that I attended several months ago, I was on the edge of my seat, my heart racing as I waited to discover the truth behind the bank heist plot, the fate of the hostages, and the motive of the mastermind behind the heist.

No such tension here in The Nine (formerly known as Nine Lives), a paint-by-numbers drama about strangers thrown together that feels a little like Lost in a bank. The setup is similar to Inside Man, a group of people arrive at a bank--this time it's about to close--and find themselves unwitting hostages in a heist. We've got our characters straight from Central Casting: tarnished cop Nick(Tim Daly) recovering from a gambling addiction scandal; steely assistant district attorney Kathryn (Kim Raver)--who just happens to be sleeping with her boss; sad sack Egan (John Billingsley), who's turned down for a boat loan and brings a gun into the bank; gruff bank manager Malcolm (Chi McBride) and his teenage daughter Felicia (Dana Davis); holier-than-thou doctor Jeremy (Scott Wolf) and his pregnant girlfriend Lizzie (Jessica Collins) who hasn't yet told Jeremy about their unborn child; and fiery Latina bank teller Franny (Camille Guaty), whose sister Eva (Lourdes Benedicto), a fellow teller at the bank, doesn't make it through the standoff alive. (Don't worry though, Benedicto's character will still appear in flashbacks.)

It's a little confusing who actually comprises the Nine in the series' title... as I could only count eight hostages, who all come together after the hostage crisis to meet. So who is the ninth member? Is it Kathryn's Emily Gilmore-esque mother who is released early on? It is the poor dead Eva? Or is it failed robber Lucas (Kitchen Confidential's Owain Yeoman), whom--SPOILER ALERT!-- Felicia visits in prison at the end of the episode?

After we see the robbers take control of the bank, we quickly flash forward 52 hours later as the hostages are released and--in another echo of Inside Man--questioned by the police about their involvement in the botched robbery. Several questions linger: who chopped off Kathryn's hair and why? Did Egan really play the part of the hero and save the day? Why exactly did he hide that gun in the bank? Was he planning to rob the bank or kill himself as he claims? What happened between Jeremy and Franny in the bank to rip apart his relatonship with the pregnant Lizzie? And did robber Lucas and Felicia know one another before the hostage crisis... or if not, what happened to draw them together?

The problem is that I wasn't connected enough to any of these characters to care about learning the answers to any of these questions. While the audience will get to see what happened during the hostage situation--each episode will begin by showing a ten minute segment from the 52-hour crisis which will reveal glimpses of the true events--I couldn't help but feel that this was lazy storytelling. On Lost, the flashbacks function to reveal each of the characters' backstories while also informing the present day action, adding layer upon layer to already complex and deeply flawed characters.

However, on The Nine, the device is nothing more than a gimmick, a hook, to detract from a standard conceit (strangers thrown into a common incident) and to attempt to give the series more weight. If you're pinning everything on a narrative device--rather than the plot and characters themselves--to tell your story, then there's something wrong. A device like this should add to the story and not comprise the story. A series' characters should be three-dimensional and interesting enough on their own, the plot gripping and engaging, and the connections genuine and not forced. There shouldn't be a need to withhold the hostage scenes and parcel them out, just for the sake of making the series more "interesting."

The comparison between The Nine and Lost is particularly apt as ABC has scheduled the new drama directly after Lost this fall. However, given the awkward setup, dull characters, and overall lack of spark in the series, I'll be switching over after Lost to NBC's new serialized drama Kidnapped, which offers a level of craftsmanship and action wholly missing from The Nine. And as for getting my quota of televised flashbacks, I'm sure get my fill from Jack and Kate next season on Lost.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Gameshow Marathon (CBS); Dateline (NBC); Blue Collar TV/Blue Collar TV (WB); George Lopez/Freddie (ABC); Bones (FOX); My Baby's Daddy (UPN; 8-10 pm)

9 pm: Criminal Minds (CBS); The Italian Job (NBC; 9-11pm); Lost (ABC); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX)

10 pm: CSI: New York (CBS); Commander in Chief (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

10 pm: Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America (9 pm EST).

The Ramsay in question here in the world-famous (or infamous) chef and author Gordon Ramsey, who might be better known over here in the States for his head-turning role on FOX's reality series Hell's Kitchen (which returns to the airwaves next month). Here in this British series, Ramsey is less about chucking food at people and more about helping restaurateurs fix the problems with their restaurants and get back on their feet. Though, to be fair, there's still a bit of food thrown about by the easily angered Ramsay. In tonight's episode ("Momma Cherri's), Ramsay is contacted by the owner of a soul food restaurant who needs his help.

Pilot Inspektor: NBC's "30 Rock"

This year's crop of comedy pilots definitely leaves a lot to be desired. There's not an Office or Earl or Arrested Development among the bunch. Poring over the pilots that have come into the Televisionary offices thus far, my hands were sweaty with anticipation when I finally received my copy of NBC's newest comedy offering, 30 Rock. I've been writing about Tina Fey's pilot (back when it was untitled even) for quite a while now and I wanted to see if the show lived up to the hype that I assigned it.

I can report that it honestly does.

I've watched the pilot for 30 Rock twice now and each time I've been sucked in by the absurdist humor and witty writing of this hilarious, single-camera ensemble piece. For those of you not up to speed, 30 Rock is one of two new NBC shows centering around the backstage shenanigans at an SNL-style sketch show (the other is Aaron Sorkin's recently relocated Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip). Oh and that rather odd title? It refers to the location of where the fictional show-within-a-show, The Girly Show, is filmed; NBC's New York City headquarters are based at 30 Rockefeller Center.

Tina Fey, who executive produces and wrote the script for 30 Rock's pilot, stars as Liz Lemon, the fictional Girly Show's much-put upon head writer (a role Fey should be familiar with from SNL). The Girly Show has only been on the air a few weeks before a new network exec, Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin, here channeling his inner snake to perfection) decides that he needs to make his mark on the show and wants to retool it. Liz and her co-exec producer Pete (Scott Adsit) are called up into the NBC executive offices to discover that their old exec has died and been replaced immediately with Donaghy, brought in from parent company GE's microwave oven division. He tells Liz and Pete that he's looking to find "the third heat" which will take the Girly Show to the next level. Donaghy believes that this x-factor is tarnished actor Tracy Jordan, the star of such cinematic gems as Honky Grandma Be Trippin'. Liz agrees to meet with Jordan, as long as The Girly Show's star Jenna (Rachel Dratch), Liz's best friend, is kept totally in the dark.

Liz takes her lunch meeting with Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan), a feature film actor who appears to be a cross between Dave Chappelle, Martin Lawrence, and Snoop Dogg. (One of my favorite moments: Jordan orders an apple juice and, when told that the restaurant doesn't have any, changes his drink order to a vodka tonic before forcing his entire posse out of the restaurant altogether when the waiter suggests he try the pumpkin ravioli.) Jordan has recently emerged from a scandal (he was caught running down the 405 freeway in tighty-whiteys screaming that he was a Jedi) and if he decides to join the cast of the Girly Show, he wants to make it a raw, HBO-style comedy, a move that Liz is not too keen on. Liz ends up stuck with Jordan as he takes her on a tour of his favorite strip clubs and to his childhood home (he pees on the fence as Liz waits, patiently).

Unbeknownst to Liz, Donaghy has been making changes at the Girly Show, firing Pete, encouraging the cast to make really bad dialogue choices and engage in racial stereotypes. As Liz arrives back at the show with Jordan in tow, she sees a really bad Mrs. Katz, Cat Lady sketch fall flat before her eyes. Without worrying about the consequences, she sends Jordan out on stage to just do his thing and spread his "fame juice" all over the scene. And, guess what? The audience goes crazy for him. Liz agrees to Jordan joining the cast, but she has some demands of her own: she wants Pete to get his job back, Jenna's job to be safe, and she wants a cappuccino machine for the writers' room. Donaghy agrees to her demands but you could cut the tension between them with a knife.

As the series' lead Liz Lemon, Fey is absolutely fabulous; her warmth, humor, and savage spark shine through. She's equally proficient in her role as the show's writer. Not since Mean Girls, has Fey had an opportunity to glow on screen as she does here. The pilot's opening scene, in which Liz purchases the entire contents of a Manhattan hot dog cart, just to spite a man trying to cut the line, perfectly sums up her character. The rest of the cast is equally top-notch. Baldwin is the perfect foil for Fey and his oiliness and smarm seem to come a little too naturally to him (kidding!), but here he is the epitome of self-absorbed network executive interference.

I can't remember the last time I saw Tracy Morgan in such a strong, dynamic performance as he delivers here as the Girly Show's third heat, Tracy Jordan; he's a joy to watch. Dratch is likeable and funny, delivering a rather offbeat performance as the show's eating-disorder prone actress who immediately falls for Donaghy's charms. And what would a production be without a clueless P.A.? Here that role is filled to perfection by Jack McBrayer.

Ultimately, 30 Rock is a zany, likeable comedy with a wit and charm all its own. And while it might not be the next Arrested Development, I can honestly say that the series has already become appointment television for me.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: NCIS (CBS); Last Comic Standing (NBC; 8-10 pm); Gilmore Girls (WB); According to Jim/Rodney (ABC); Shanghai Knights (FOX; 8-10 pm); America's Next Top Model (UPN)

9 pm: The Unit (CBS); Pepper Dennis (WB); According to Jim/Less Than Perfect (ABC); Veronica Mars (UPN)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: The Thick of It on BBC America (11 pm EST).

If you missed the third episode of this scathingly funny British political satire, here's your chance tonight to catch up before a new episode airs on Friday.

10 pm: Secret Smile on BBC America (9 pm EST).

Part Two of this British mini-series thriller airs tonight. If you missed Part One, you're sort of out of luck, but if you did manage to catch it, then there's more David Tennant (a.k.a. the current Doctor Who in the UK) behaving badly to look forward to tonight.

Pilot Inspektor: ABC's "Brothers & Sisters"

In his film Trust, writer/director Hal Hartley once said, "A family is like a gun; you point it in the wrong direction and you could kill someone." I think Hartley's statement applies nicely to ABC's new family drama Brothers & Sisters, which follows a wealthy Los Angeles clan as they do what families do best: eat together, bicker, love one another, fight, and then fight some more.

This being a television series, there's naturally more lurking beneath the seemingly idyllic surface of the Walker family than initially meets the eye. Told through the voice of outspoken daughter Kitty (Calista Flockhart), the series explores the many secrets and lies that exist in every family. Think of it as My So-Called Thirtysomething Relativity Once and Again. Or something to that effect.

What got me initially intrigued was the truly amazing cast that the show's producers had managed to assemble here, a trend which seems to be keeping in touch with this season's many productions: sprawling casts, interconnected plots, richer, more challenging stories, and the sort of budgets that one would usually associate with feature films. In this respect, Brothers & Sisters fits the bill. The cast is definitely top-notch, consisting of many familiar faces from TV and film (it's even, for some, a mini Alias reunion, but that's to be expected from former Alias executive producer Ken Olin).

Meet Kitty Walker (Flockhart). Unlike her liberal relatives, she's a conservative who escaped the West Coast for New York City, where she's the host of a conservative radio talk show. Kitty has been offered to turn her show into a nationally televised talk show and she uses a trip out West to meet with some producers as an excuse to celebrate her birthday with her family. She's not sure she's willing to entertain the offer, especially as it would take her away from her boyfriend Jonathan (guest star Dan Futterman, here reunited with his costar from The Birdcage), just as they are starting to get serious.

With the notable exception of firebrand Kitty, the Walkers are liberals, the sort of California family with a gorgeous, well-manicured manse that own their own business. The business in question is a food and vegetable supply company that's run by pater familias Henry (Tom Skerritt; warning lights flashing here) and his shifty brother-in-law Saul Ashman (Ron Rifkin). Mother Iva (Betty Buckley) is the sort of warm-hearted well-to-do woman that prefers to garden than employ someone to do that sort of thing for her. She and Henry are supposed to have a storybook romance and marriage that has weathered more than forty years, but it seems a little too perfect, if you ask me. And this being that sort of television series again, even Iva and Henry's perfect marriage has its share of heartbreak and secrets.

Two of the Walker children have gone into the family business: practical middle son Thomas (Balthazar Getty, here for once playing the responsible, ambitious son, rather than his usual screw-up character) and daughter Sarah (Rachel Griffiths, in fine form), who recently left a Fortune 500 company to sink her teeth into the family biz. Sarah's marriage to Jed (John Pyper-Ferguson) is on the brink of failing as the two drift away from one another, and their relationship is tested by the presence of their three children, including son Teddy (Jimmy 'Jax' Pinchak), who suffers from Asperger's Syndrome. Meanwhile, oldest son Kevin, an openly gay politician, learns that his ex-wife is planning to move with their teenage son, with whom he has a strained, distant relationship, to Texas. And youngest son Justin (Dave Annable) is a former Gulf War vet who is struggling with drug abuse.

As everyone gathers at the Walker home to celebrate Kitty's birthday, each of the Walkers reacts differently to what happens next. While talking with his grandson out back, beloved father Henry suffers a heart attack, collapses in the pool, and dies. (I told you that the red warning lights were flashing as soon as I saw that the dad would be played by Tom Skerritt.) Henry's death presents a whole host of complications: it inspires Kitty to take the television job, despite Jonathan's marriage proposal, and gives Thomas and Sarah more incentive to take control of the family business... especially as Saul is acting so strangely.

Taking a page out of Veronica Mars' handbook, Sarah does some snooping and discovers a number of secret, password-protected accounts on her uncle Saul's computer. Is he embezzling? She and Thomas confront him, but he's not talking. Add to this the fact that Justin notices a mysterious woman (Patricia Wettig) at his father's funeral and things begin to become clearer suddenly. At his mother's urging, Justin goes to Musso & Frank's to apply for a job and sees Saul having lunch with that very same woman. He approaches them and Saul quickly introduces her as Holly Harper, "a friend." Justin asks if she was a friend of his father and, before Holly can answer, Saul cuts her off by saying that she was a friend of both of theirs. Justin is instantly suspicious. Sarah, meanwhile, is finally able to access Saul's files and discovers that the company's pension funds accounts have been completely emptied. Is Saul paying off this woman, who was obviously Henry's mistress? Or did Henry do something terrible before he died?

As Sarah confronts Saul and tries to assert her place in their family business, Justin follows Holly from a distance and watches her house from across the street. He sees a young woman leave the house and drive off (hmmm, could it be another of Henry's children?), before knocking on the door. Holly answers the door and greets him, saying that they've met before but Justin doesn't remember her. She invites him inside and closes the door. And while the audience will have to wait until episode 2 to find out Holly's story, I think we can make a few intelligent guesses...

Production values are high and direction--by exec producer Ken Olin (Alias)--glossy and self-assured. Writing, from playwright Jon Robin Baitz, is strong, if a little obvious at times. (Did we really need Kitty's extended monologue at the beginning about the perils of dating Democrats or Republicans?) As can be expected by the cast, the overall quality of the acting is extremely high, especially for such a soapy show. While early pre-upfronts reports said that Flockhart had not tested well, I found her to be a sympathetic, amiable lead, in a role that was vastly different than her turn as the titular character on Ally McBeal. Rachel Griffiths is as wonderful as ever, making me nearly forget who Brenda Chenowith was (almost) and, as previously mentioned, it is wonderful to see Balthazar Getty playing the good son for once, rather than his typical messed up druggie character (played here instead by Dave Annable, as if apologizing for the mess that was FOX's Reunion). Ron Rifkin once again commands attention, even when he's not playing a megalomaniacal villain with an obsession for Rambaldi, as in Alias. (I hope that subsequent weeks give Betty Buckley--here playing matriarch Iva--more to do; she's far too talented of an actor to just shuffle along and offer advice while she prunes the trees.)

In many respects, Brothers & Sisters is a sort of throwback to the female-oriented family-centric soapy dramas of yesteryear (think Sisters or Providence) but I have no doubt that it will find an audience, especially given its plum post-Desperate Housewives timeslot on Sunday evenings. And while the ladies of Wisteria Lane have become far too zany for my taste, Brothers & Sisters could have borrowed just a smidge of that show's humor, if only to break up some of the stifling heaviness and darkness that seem to permeate the series' pilot. (Could that have something to do with the presence of former Buffy exec producer Marti Noxon?) Tonally, I think the show's producers need to figure out where they stand, as there's a little bit too much pathos to make one want to spend a significant amount of time with the Walkers. Just a little bit of humor or sunshine(this being California, after all) could do miracles in evening out the series' tone.

While the plot of Brothers & Sisters, so far anyway, has remained rather predictable, I'd most likely tune in again to catch the second episode. And, given the sometimes strained relations between brothers and sisters, isn't that a commitment in itself?

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The 41st Annual Academy of Country Music Awards (CBS; 8-11 pm); Most Outrageous Moments/Most Outrageous Moments (NBC); Gilmore Girls (WB); Stephen King's Desperation (ABC; 8-11 pm); American Idol (FOX); America's Next Top Model (UPN)

9 pm: 10.5: Apocalypse (NBC; 9-11 pm); Pepper Dennis (WB); House (FOX); Veronica Mars (UPN)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: The Thick of It on BBC America (11 pm EST).

If you missed the second episode of the British comedy series that the Los Angeles Times is describing as "The West Wing meets The Office," here's your chance tonight to catch up before a new episode on Friday. One caveat: the show is so funny that you might just choke on your dinner whilst watching it. Be warned.

Pilot Inspektor: NBC's "Heroes"

Of the current batch of fall pilots in my possession, the one I was really looking forward to watching was NBC's Heroes, which many have touted as NBC's answer to drama juggernaut Lost. I can safely say that the cast and crew of the J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof-created drama doesn't need to lose any sleep at night. Lost this is not.

For those of you in the dark, here's the basic pitch: seemingly overnight, ordinary people suddenly develop extraordinary powers and represent the next step in humanity's evolution, but there's something else afoot here as forces beyond their control seem to be drawing them closer together (a theme that seems to be so extremely common this season that it's the basis for no less than three pilots). The genetic mutation line is straight out of X-Men (one character even references the long-running comic book series, using Uncanny X-Men #143, in which Kitty Pryde travels to a dystopian future, as an argument for time travel); the random people seemingly imbued with strange and unusual powers directly influenced by J. Michael Straczynski's Rising Stars. But again it's ABC's Lost that seems to provide the most influence on Heroes.

Let's see, where shall I begin... Um, strong, sexy woman on the run after committing a murder? Check. Soulful medical professional from wealthy family? Check. Young blonde girl named Claire? Check. Precocious African-American boy with unusual powers? Check. African-American father of said boy who lives in New York City and hasn't seen his son in years? Check. A mysterious organization that is aware of and dealing with people's newfound abilities? Check. (I'm calling it the Karma Initiative for now.) Asian man who doesn't seem to speak very much English? Check. Highly intelligent and swarthy Asian or Middle Eastern man? Check. Greg Grunberg? Check. (Though billed as a series lead, he doesn't appear in the version of the pilot I saw.) A web of fate drawing these strangers together to possibly save the world? Double check.

I kid you not.

In any event, I've heard that the pilot was originally two hours but had been cut down to 55 minutes (the version I saw), so that could explain the absence of both Greg Grunberg and Leonard Roberts, who plays Heroes' version of Lost's "Michael" character. But it doesn't explain why even at a tighter 55 minutes, absolutely nothing seems to happen. Many of the characters speak of a big event looming on the horizon that will change everything (I assumed it was the solar eclipse), but nothing happens. The characters talk, cross paths with one another, and talk some more. And then they keep talking. And talking. In overly expositional, poorly written dialogue that seems written by some network exec who didn't think that the audience would understand that a wealthy widow is shoplifting after the death of her husband so that she can "feel alive" or that her son Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) "needs to put [himself] first and stop living [his] life for other people."

As for the characters, they are, as one would imagine, a rather motley bunch and the pilot depicts each of them as they go about their daily lives, unaware of the storm that is brewing. Peter Petrelli (Ventimiglia) works as a private nurse for terminally ill patients but keeps dreaming that he can fly. In these dreams, he keeps seeing the face of his brother Nathan (Adrian Pasdar), a politician running for Congress, in a darkened alley as Peter falls towards him. Nathan doesn't have any time for Peter's eccentricities with his campaign in full swing, nor their mother's latest arrest for shoplifting socks, but Nathan wants to keep Peter close and offers him a job on the campaign because he's "good with people." (Hmmm.)

In Texas, teenage cheerleader Clair Bennet (Hayden Panettiere) discovers she is invulnerable and spends her time jumping off of water towers and stabbing herself in the chest to test the limit of her powers. (She also drops her ring down a working garbage disposal and puts her hand down there in a rather gruesome sequence.) But Clair soon rises to the mantle of hero when she uses her invulnerability to save the life of a firefighter in a rapidly burning building, before running off into the smoke.

Niki Sanders (Ali Larter) is a single mom in Las Vegas who's doing internet porn to support herself and keep her genius son Micah (Noah Gray-Cabey) in a ritzy private school, but she runs afoul of the local mob and a loan shark comes collecting. (Lucky for her that she has this weird alter ego/mirror self that can do horrible, gruesome, murderous things for her.) Her son Micah runs away to New York City to find his estranged father, D.L. Hawkins (Leonard Roberts, who doesn't appear in the pilot). Niki takes care of a little business of her own before setting off after her son.

Isaac Mendez (Santiago Cabrera) is a rather talented, albeit strung out, artist who can paint pictures of events and people in the future. His girlfriend Simone Deveraux (Tawny Cypress) is worried about him, particularly after he shows her an image of her walking into his apartment carrying a briefcase, which she just did five minutes earlier, a picture he painted the night before. Isaac's also trying to give up on drugs cold turkey (he thinks they're causing these images to appear) but Simone is concerned. Isaac kicks Simone out of his apartment, handcuffs himself to a pipe, and waits out the withdrawal pains. Nearby, a nice assortment of saws and other tools sit menacingly... Simone turns to the only person she knows can help, the man taking care of her terminally ill father: Peter Petrelli (Ventimiglia, again). Funny how these coincidences keep popping up, no? Simone forces Peter to bring as much morphine as he can and leads him to Isaac's apartment, where they encounter... a rather gruesome, yet predictable, scene waiting for them. But Peter also sees something else, a portrait of himself with wings by Isaac. (Hmmm.)

As for the pilot's missing characters, NBC's press release tells me that Greg Grunberg plays a "down-on-his-luck beat cop [who] can hear people's thoughts, including the secrets of a captured terrorist," while Leonard Robert's D.L. Hawkins is "a prison inmate [who] mysteriously finds himself waking up outside of his cell. " Would have been nicer to, you know, actually see that in the pilot.

On the other side of the world, other people are also experiencing awakenings of their own. In Japan, Hiro Akamura (Masi Oka) is a bored Japanese businessman who becomes convinced that he can alter the space-time continuum, slowing down or stopping time and teleporting (and in one nifty sequence, he does actually teleport off of a crowded Tokyo commuter train to Times Square). And in India, college professor Mohinder Suresh (Sendhil Ramamurthy) talks to his pupils about the work that he and his father (a former professor/research scientist turned Manhattan cab driver) have spent their lives developing: a belief that the human genome is changing and that the next step of evolution is happening before their eyes. People with extraordinary abilities are already living among us.

It's a theory that gets Mohinder's father killed and Mohinder leaves India to travel to New York City in order to search through his father's papers, but someone has gotten there first: a mysterious man who has a very pointed interest in both the research work Mohinder's father was doing and Mohinder himself. A man who has a very interesting connection to one of our other characters... (I'm not going to spoil that here.)

As the various characters seem to make their way to New York City, I was expecting some huge momentous moment to occur at the end of the hour, some huge world-altering event that would bring our heroes to the fore, but it never arrives. Many of the characters mention the imminent solar eclipse but it comes and goes with seemingly no consequences whatsoever. Peter gets into Mohinder's cab, they have a (very unrealistic for New York City) intellectual conversation about the nature of the universe and evolution and Peter watches the eclipse from the back of the car. I was hoping that this moment would catalyze everyone's abilities--latent or otherwise--but the eclipse just passes without anything apocalyptic happening. Color me confused.

There is a nice twist at the end of the pilot that I have to admit I didn't really see coming, but otherwise it just sort of peters out into nothingness. Even at a leaner 55 minutes, the pilot drags on endlessly and I was left with feeling alternatingly frustrated and bored. So far, many of the characters seem rather one-dimensional and I'm baffled by some of the casting choices altogether. Additionally, Ventimiglia, usually so affable on Gilmore Girls (he played Rory's bad boyfriend Jess), is rather unlikeable here and he irritates more than intrigues, especially as he seems to be the series' putative lead (unless that's intended to be the absent Grunberg).

David Semel's direction is lush and visually dazzling (especially the opening sequence) but the studio will hopefully pony up some more money for better special effects (see the ending). Writing--by Crossing Jordan creator Tim Kring--came across as lazy and bloated. For a concept with such a rich sci-fi/action/superhero premise, there was an awful lot of talking going on here, and not enough action. What's there instead is an underlying arrogance and unwarranted overconfidence, demonstrated in the Star Wars-style written narration at the opening which goes on to state that this is only "Volume 1" of this ongoing story. Unless the producers can work out the kinks and ratchet up the tension and action here, I wouldn't hold my breath for Volume 2.

Ultimately, these Heroes won't save anyone, least of all NBC's struggling lineup.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The King of Queens/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); Deal or No Deal (NBC); 7th Heaven (WB); Oprah Winfrey's Legends Ball (ABC); 24 (FOX; 8-10 pm); One on One/All of Us (UPN)

9 pm: Two and a Half Men/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); The Apprentice (NBC); Everwood (WB); Alias (ABC; 9-11 pm); Girlfriends/Half & Half (UPN)

10 pm: CSI: Miami (CBS); Medium (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

7 pm: Jamie's School Lunch Project on TLC.

On the final installment of Jamie Oliver's brilliant documentary series ("Taking It to the Top"), Jamie takes his campaign straight to the British government, when he lobbies officials to support his "Feed Me Better'' platform and urges them to ban all junk food from schools. Will he succeed in stemming the tide of childhood obesity, diabetes, and other health problems and get the UK government to feed the nation's children better? Find out tonight.

8:30 & 9:30 pm: Old Christine.

Get two episodes of Old Christine tonight for the price of one! (Well, yes, it's still free.) First, on what was originally intended to be the series' second episode ("Some of My Best Friends Are Portuguese"), Christine becomes friends with another working mom at Ritchie's school, but when she learns where the woman actually works, her happiness soon disappears. Then on the season finale ("A Fair to Remember"), Christine bumps into former flame Burton (guest star Matthew Letscher) and discovers that she does have feelings for him after all. Silly Christine... why'd you let the guy go in the first place? He was a catch!

9 pm: Alias (Series Finale).

If you're into this sort of thing, tonight's the two-hour series finale of Alias ("Reprisal"/"All the Time in the World"). In an attempt to find the final clue to Rambaldi's endgame, Sloane takes Marshall and Rachel hostage and, typically, it falls to the daughter and daddy team of Sydney and Jack Bristow to stop Sloane and Irina (Lena Olin) from carrying out their deadly plan. I stopped watching Alias a while ago, but a sick, masochistic part of me is curious as to how it will end. Did I mention that there's an even sicker, overly critical part of me wants it to end with a whimper instead of a bang?

10 pm: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations on the Travel Channel.

Everyone's favorite sarcastic chef, author, and television personality returns with a new batch of episodes of my Travel Channel must see show. On tonight's installment of No Reservations ("Mexico; US"), Tony travels to the border between Southwest Texas and Mexico, where he'll visit a Texan bar and grill, eat nachos in Piedras Nigras, and take a boat tour of the Rio Grande River. Some rough life this guy has.

Pilot Inspektor: NBC's "Kidnapped"

One of these days I really wish that a network would actually develop and program a series that is intended to only last a single season. Sort of like what Prison Break was supposed to be originally. (For a better example, take a look at the BBC's compelling and brilliant political mystery-drama State of Play.) In doing so, a network might actually make the audience think that anything could happen, anyone could be killed or eliminated at any time. The dramatic stakes are raised because, in watching, we know that there is going to be a finality to the end.

On the surface, NBC's new serialized drama Kidnapped might appear to fall into this category, but there's also a rather dynamic character played by Six Feet Under's Jeremy Sisto who might be able to launch the series into a multi-year franchise a la Jack Bauer on FOX's 24. Sisto plays the enigmatic Knapp, a kidnapping and ransom expert whose very purpose for being is to return victims to their loved ones. He doesn't care about money or arresting the perps. His fee is non-negotiable, and only paid when he returns the victim intact. He's a knight in shining... dirty hooded sweatshirts.

It's Knapp's skills as a K&R expert that bring him into the orbit of the Cains, a powerful and well-to-do New York family. Pater familias Conrad Cain (Timothy Hutton) is a businessman who might have made a few enemies during his company's hostile takeover of a few years earlier. His wife, Ellie (Dana Delany), has that paradox of fragility and strength that one finds in wealthy women in her position, and Delany plays her with an icy vulnerability that has become her trademark (see Wild Palms and Pasadena). The Cains are the sort of rich folks who live in a palatial manse overlooking Central Park, have a daughter at Brown, and whose children speak French in hushed tones.

The Cains also employ a bodyguard. Virgil (Mykelti Williamson) is assigned to protect the Cain's 15-year- old son Leopold (Will Denton) and he watches over Leopold like a hawk (but why just Leopold?). This guy is a serious professional, either ex-FBI or military. He's tough. And when Leopold is seized during a daring early morning kidnapping from the daylit, public streets of Manhattan, Virgil whips out an automatic weapon and lays down a strafing attack on the kidnappers, before he's shot by a sniper. Is he dead? Or just wounded? We don't know, because he seems to disappear into thin air... as does Leopold Cain.

The Cains quickly attach the services of Knapp, who has a reputation for working outside the "rules" of law enforcement agencies. He gets results and, even more importantly for the Cains, he's the very soul of discretion. Knapp works with an associate, his right hand man (or woman, rather), the beautiful Turner. (Together they form the sexiest professional kidnapping and ransom experts this side of Proof of Life.) Knapp tells the Cains to follow the kidnappers' advice and not contact the police or the FBI. He and Turner quickly take control of the situation and begin hunting for clues. But the mastermind behind the kidnappers (or so it seems for right now, anyway) is tying up loose ends of his own, eliminating anyone with any knowledge of the kidnap by sending an assassin, The Accountant (James Urbaniak) to silence them. (Hmmm, shades of Hal Hartley's Amateur here.)

But Virgil's disappearance causes a problem for the Cains. Virgil's wife (Audra MacDonald) goes looking for him and seeks out the help of an old friend of Virgil's: Special Agent Latimer King (Delroy Lindo), an FBI agent who is preparing to retire at the end of the week. (Uh-oh, it's Lethal Weapon Syndrome; don't ever tell anyone that you're retiring from law enforcement--it always means that you get sucked into another case or you'll end up dead.) Her arrival puts King on Virgil's trail, a course which leads him directly to Conrad Cain, whose nervousness accidentally tips King off to Leopold's kidnapping. To Knapp's annoyance (he knows King all too well), the FBI become involved in the case and quickly manage to bollocks the whole thing up straightaway, when a SWAT team falls right into the kidnappers' trap.

But the Cains aren't telling Knapp or the FBI everything. Conrad is vague about any enemies he might have and alludes to some threads he had received, but why is Leopold selected when he's the only Cain child with a bodyguard? Ellie has contacts in the Secret Service and her father is some powerful muckety-muck, but Conrad won't allow her to involve him either. Leopold's kidnapping is brutal, swift, and organized, in a ruthlessly efficient way. These men behind the attack are motivated by greed; they want $20 million and if they get what they want, they claim they'll release Leopold. But there's obviously more to this scenario than meets the eye, something personal, a vendetta of some kind that will force everyone's secrets out into the light before this is over. Why Leopold? And where is Virgil? And better yet, where is the Cain's "missing" daughter Aubrey? How do all of these elements come together?

Kidnapped's sprawling cast is top-notch, better than would be expected for a TV drama. Jeremy Sisto is a dynamic lead and his character, Knapp, is mysterious enough to be engaging while still fundamentally human (read: flawed) to provide a compelling three-dimensional character. Other standouts include Dana Delany, Delroy Lindo, and Carmen Ejogo, who plays Knapp's beautiful English associate Turner. And while it's wonderful to see English actor Linus Roache (here playing the oily and dunderheaded FBI Agent Andy Archer), he needs to spend some more time working on his American accent with his dialect coach, stat.

Writing (from Jason Smilovic) and direction are of a high quality, though I found that director Michael Dinner relied too heavily on stylistic visual trickery early on in the pilot, which distracted rather than intrigued. The addition of David Greenwalt (Angel) as Kidnapped's showrunner makes me particularly curious (in a good way) about the direction the story will take over the course of the season.

Ultimately, I found Kidnapped's pilot to be entertaining, albeit a little predictable thus far, and the pilot smacked of set-up for the series. I'd have to see (and would be willing to watch) the series' second episode before being able to make a fully formed judgment about whether I'd watch the show on a regular basis. But I am definitely intrigued and relieved that the pilot showed more promise than just being Ransom: The Series.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: NCIS (CBS); Will & Grace/Will & Grace (NBC); Gilmore Girls (WB); Celebrity Debut(ABC); American Idol (FOX); America's Next Top Model (UPN)

9 pm: The Unit (CBS); Scrubs/Scrubs (NBC); Pepper Dennis (WB); Boston Legal (ABC; 9-11 pm); House (FOX); Veronica Mars (UPN)

10 pm: The Unit (CBS); Law & Order: SVU (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

9-10 pm: Scrubs.

Two brand-new back-to-back episodes of one of the greatest comedies on television (the next season of which NBC--the bastards!--are holding until midseason). On the first episode tonight of Scrubs ("My Urologist") J.D. challenges an assessment from Dr. Briggs, a patient of his who happens to be a urologist (guest star Elizabeth Banks), while Elliot considers breaking up with Keith, whom she thinks is too weak. On tonight's second episode ("My Transition"), J.D. attempts to plan the perfect date with Dr. Briggs (Banks, again), but Elliot keeps getting in the way. Good times.

9 pm: Veronica Mars.

If you missed the mystery-drama's simply brilliant second season, here's your chance as UPN is reairing Veronica Mars' second season premiere ("Normal is the Watchword"), in which Veronica is forced back into the investigation business when her BFF, Neptune High basketball player Wallace, tests positive for drugs.

If they decide to play nice, UPN might just reair the entire second season, so go and buy the Season One DVD and catch up on Season Two, before the show (hopefully!) jumps over to the CW network this fall.

Pilot Inspektor: Gossip from the Tracking Boards

Well, it's crunch time here in Hollywood when the networks have to decide which pilots are going to get ordered before the May upfront presentations of their schedules to advertisers in New York. It's getting down to the wire and all over town producers are biting their nails as each waits to receive word on the fate of their latest TV opus.

Those in the know will drift onto one of the ubiquitous tracking boards--the online equivalent of a gossipy coffee klutch--to find out the no-holds barred low-down on their pilots. These boards can make or break a project and, in the case of a feature script, determine whether a writer is going to end up with a seven-figure purchase price or yet another pass.

Through a top-secret contact, I was able to gather some information--unsubstantiated but reliable--about many of the pilots in contention for the fall schedules of the major networks. It's far from a complete list, but below is a sample of what's being said about the current crop of drama pilots. Beware and take any rumors with a large--very large--grain of salt.

ABC

ABC's best bets for pilots receiving series orders include: Traveler, about two friends who are on the lam after being framed by a friend, which is said to be studio Warner Bros. TV's favorite pilot; drama Six Degrees; and mysteries Drift and Secrets of a Small Town, which tested extremely well.

Less of a lock for an order are the American adaptation of telenovela Ugly Betty and A House Divided, a drama about a potential second American civil war.

Almost certain to die in the pilot stage: psychological thriller 60 Minute Man, which was described as a disaster; the conspiracy-themed 20 Questions; and family drama Brothers & Sisters--reportedly series lead Calista Flockhart tested poorly.

FOX

FOX is said to be extremely high on three series, which rumor has it will all receive early series orders next week: hostage negotiation drama Primary (said to be "scorching hot"); serialized kidnapping drama Vanished (not to be confused with NBC's Kidnapped); and legal drama Damages.

FOX is said to like treasure hunter drama 13 Graves, but is less certain about high-powered legal drama American Crime and ensemble crime drama Southern Comfort, both of which were seen to be middle of the road for FOX.

Dead in the water are NASA space drama Beyond; Sean Bean-lead crime drama Faceless (shooting was said to be a fiasco and FOX was unhappy with the cut); and wedding photographer drama Wedding Album, which should be left at the altar.

NBC

Over at struggling NBC, the network is supposedly very happy with their series adaptation of football drama Friday Night Lights and they are very high on Heroes, which is probably the most likely to get a series order out of all of their pilots--and which may be NBC's answer to Lost. Less certain is psychological mystery Raines. And supernatural/political drama Haskett's Chance? Not a snowball's chance in hell to make it onto the schedule.

The CW

With the CW being formed out of the ashes of netlets the WB and UPN, there's a hell of a lot less room on their fall schedule than anywhere else. However, some series seem more likely to return than others. UPN comedies likely to return include All Of Us, Girlfriends, and Everybody Hates Chris. From the WB, things look rosy for dramas Gilmore Girls, Smallville, Supernatural, and of all things--7th Heaven?!?

The hot properties in development then include Flirt, Split Decision, and Mercy Creek (a.k.a. Aquaman). Apparently, the jury is still out on the Desperate Housewives-meets-The OC drama from Kevin Williamson.

So will Primary, Vanished, and Damages get early series pick-ups next week? Will out-there NBC "superhero" drama Heroes become TV's next big thing? Only time will tell...

Pilot Inspektor: Showtime's "Dexter"

One of the perks of working in the television business is that you occasionally (or during the summer months frequently) get to see pilots before they air on television... in most cases, many months before they premiere. So yesterday I was therefore fortunate to view the pilot for Showtime's new drama series, Dexter, based on the novels by Jeff Lindsay.

Dexter stars Michael C. Hall, whom most viewers will remember from Six Feet Under. Here, Hall portrays the title character who is vastly different from David Fisher, the character he played for several years on Six Feet Under...well, except for the connection to death. For one thing, Dexter is a forensic investigator--his specialty is blood splatter--and for another, he's a serial killer.

But before you get all uptight about it, he's a serial killer who only kills other serial killers. Gruesomely. Brutally. He stalks them, captures them, and kills them, chopping up their bodies and disposing of them while holding onto a keepsake--a bit of their blood preserved in scientific glass slides--for a trophy? Research? His modus operandi is explained in a nifty bit of flashback as we see Dexter as a child, caught by his police officer father killing animals. We know that something traumatic happened to Dexter before he was taken in by this family and Dad knows that Dexter will kill again. He can't change his nature. But if he can teach him who to kill, and how, and how not to get caught... It's a secret that only they can share.

Now, many years later, Dexter works as a forensic expert with the same Miami police force that his dad--now long dead; same with mom--worked on, the same force that his foul-mouthed adopted sister Debra (The Exorcism of Emily Rose's Jennifer Carpenter) works as a vice cop. Sis wants to get transfered off of vice and onto the homicide division and often uses Dexter's insight into bizarre murders to attempt to advance her career. In fact, she calls him in on a really bizarre case, in which a someone is murdering women, chopping them up without, wrapping the parts up like gifts, and reassembling them at a scene... all without any blood. Dexter immediately knows it's a serial killer and he begins to become drawn into the killer's mind, as the two play a twisted cat-and-mouse game that's not resolved in the pilot.

Everyone on the police force loves Dexter--he's charming, erudite, and polite--but there's one particularly gruff cop (OZ's Eric King) who for some reason senses that Dexter is not what he appears to be. Completely taken in, however, is Dexter's single mom girlfriend Rita (Buffy's Julie Benz), who is almost as messed up as Dexter is. After her rape by her philandering husband, Rita contracted some nasty venereal disease, which means she is not into sex at all. Which is fine with Dexter, because he finds the very idea of sex to be discomforting. So they're the perfect match for one another and Dexter is so good with her kids. Little does she know that she's invited one of the deadliest killers into her heart and home...

And remember that serial killer that Dexter is stalking? Turns out he's one step ahead of Dex.

Dexter's cast is first rate. Hall is simply amazing as Dexter; he can be completely charming and wittily funny one second and then icy and deadly the next. Hall completely embodies the character of Dexter without making any judgement calls about this moral ambiguous character, which is a very difficult feat to pull off. Benz is beautifully fragile and vulnerable as Rita, demonstrating a real change from the tough and/or deadly characters she usually plays (Darla on Buffy and Angel, an FBI agent on Roswell). Carpenter's police officer both grounds Dexter and gives him someone to almost care about (if he were capable of real emotion) and injects some humor with her temper and sailor's mouth. Setting the story in Miami provides a sweltering background as well as a never-ending supply of crimes (which helps Dexter get away with his own).

My only problem with the show in fact is that I've heard that writer Jim Manos (writer previously on The Shield and The Sopranos) has been removed from the show because the network wants to play up the comedy angle more. Um, hello? It's a show about a serial killer who gruesomely does away with other serial killers while solving truly heinous crimes for the police. How light and fluffy can this concept be? I thought that Manos totally nailed the dark humor and morbid curiosity of Dexter's character and created a taut, compelling crime drama that me on the edge of my seat.

Ultimately, killing the tone that Manos deftly created is a crime that even Dexter would take issue with.

"Dexter" is expected to air on Showtime beginning in November.

What’s On Tonight

8 pm: Ghost Whisperer (CBS); Tim McGraw: Reflected (NBC); Survival of the Richest (WB); America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC); The Bernie Mac Show/The Bernie Mac Show (FOX); WWE Friday Night SmackDown! (UPN)

9 pm: Close to Home (CBS); Las Vegas (NBC); Reba/Modern Men (WB); America's Funniest Home Videos (ABC); Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy (FOX)

10 pm: NUMB3RS (CBS); Conviction (NBC); 20/20 (ABC)

What I’ll Be Watching

6-8 pm: High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman/Little Britain/Creature Comforts.

My new Friday night routine: the psychic parody High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman (whose fake Spirit Academy competition has reached new lows), outrageous sketch comedy Little Britain (home to Lou, Andy, Vicky Pollard, and the rest of the gang), and documentary series Creature Comforts.

9 pm: Doctor Who.

Otherwise known as Part Two of last week's two-part episode. On tonight's installment ("World War Three"), the Doctor and Rose attempt to escape 10 Downing Street as the world heads towards an interplanetary war with the creepy Slitheen. And what's up with that "Bad Wolf" graffiti and the little pig?