Pilot Inspektor: NBC's "Heroes"

Of the current batch of fall pilots in my possession, the one I was really looking forward to watching was NBC's Heroes, which many have touted as NBC's answer to drama juggernaut Lost. I can safely say that the cast and crew of the J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof-created drama doesn't need to lose any sleep at night. Lost this is not.

For those of you in the dark, here's the basic pitch: seemingly overnight, ordinary people suddenly develop extraordinary powers and represent the next step in humanity's evolution, but there's something else afoot here as forces beyond their control seem to be drawing them closer together (a theme that seems to be so extremely common this season that it's the basis for no less than three pilots). The genetic mutation line is straight out of X-Men (one character even references the long-running comic book series, using Uncanny X-Men #143, in which Kitty Pryde travels to a dystopian future, as an argument for time travel); the random people seemingly imbued with strange and unusual powers directly influenced by J. Michael Straczynski's Rising Stars. But again it's ABC's Lost that seems to provide the most influence on Heroes.

Let's see, where shall I begin... Um, strong, sexy woman on the run after committing a murder? Check. Soulful medical professional from wealthy family? Check. Young blonde girl named Claire? Check. Precocious African-American boy with unusual powers? Check. African-American father of said boy who lives in New York City and hasn't seen his son in years? Check. A mysterious organization that is aware of and dealing with people's newfound abilities? Check. (I'm calling it the Karma Initiative for now.) Asian man who doesn't seem to speak very much English? Check. Highly intelligent and swarthy Asian or Middle Eastern man? Check. Greg Grunberg? Check. (Though billed as a series lead, he doesn't appear in the version of the pilot I saw.) A web of fate drawing these strangers together to possibly save the world? Double check.

I kid you not.

In any event, I've heard that the pilot was originally two hours but had been cut down to 55 minutes (the version I saw), so that could explain the absence of both Greg Grunberg and Leonard Roberts, who plays Heroes' version of Lost's "Michael" character. But it doesn't explain why even at a tighter 55 minutes, absolutely nothing seems to happen. Many of the characters speak of a big event looming on the horizon that will change everything (I assumed it was the solar eclipse), but nothing happens. The characters talk, cross paths with one another, and talk some more. And then they keep talking. And talking. In overly expositional, poorly written dialogue that seems written by some network exec who didn't think that the audience would understand that a wealthy widow is shoplifting after the death of her husband so that she can "feel alive" or that her son Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) "needs to put [himself] first and stop living [his] life for other people."

As for the characters, they are, as one would imagine, a rather motley bunch and the pilot depicts each of them as they go about their daily lives, unaware of the storm that is brewing. Peter Petrelli (Ventimiglia) works as a private nurse for terminally ill patients but keeps dreaming that he can fly. In these dreams, he keeps seeing the face of his brother Nathan (Adrian Pasdar), a politician running for Congress, in a darkened alley as Peter falls towards him. Nathan doesn't have any time for Peter's eccentricities with his campaign in full swing, nor their mother's latest arrest for shoplifting socks, but Nathan wants to keep Peter close and offers him a job on the campaign because he's "good with people." (Hmmm.)

In Texas, teenage cheerleader Clair Bennet (Hayden Panettiere) discovers she is invulnerable and spends her time jumping off of water towers and stabbing herself in the chest to test the limit of her powers. (She also drops her ring down a working garbage disposal and puts her hand down there in a rather gruesome sequence.) But Clair soon rises to the mantle of hero when she uses her invulnerability to save the life of a firefighter in a rapidly burning building, before running off into the smoke.

Niki Sanders (Ali Larter) is a single mom in Las Vegas who's doing internet porn to support herself and keep her genius son Micah (Noah Gray-Cabey) in a ritzy private school, but she runs afoul of the local mob and a loan shark comes collecting. (Lucky for her that she has this weird alter ego/mirror self that can do horrible, gruesome, murderous things for her.) Her son Micah runs away to New York City to find his estranged father, D.L. Hawkins (Leonard Roberts, who doesn't appear in the pilot). Niki takes care of a little business of her own before setting off after her son.

Isaac Mendez (Santiago Cabrera) is a rather talented, albeit strung out, artist who can paint pictures of events and people in the future. His girlfriend Simone Deveraux (Tawny Cypress) is worried about him, particularly after he shows her an image of her walking into his apartment carrying a briefcase, which she just did five minutes earlier, a picture he painted the night before. Isaac's also trying to give up on drugs cold turkey (he thinks they're causing these images to appear) but Simone is concerned. Isaac kicks Simone out of his apartment, handcuffs himself to a pipe, and waits out the withdrawal pains. Nearby, a nice assortment of saws and other tools sit menacingly... Simone turns to the only person she knows can help, the man taking care of her terminally ill father: Peter Petrelli (Ventimiglia, again). Funny how these coincidences keep popping up, no? Simone forces Peter to bring as much morphine as he can and leads him to Isaac's apartment, where they encounter... a rather gruesome, yet predictable, scene waiting for them. But Peter also sees something else, a portrait of himself with wings by Isaac. (Hmmm.)

As for the pilot's missing characters, NBC's press release tells me that Greg Grunberg plays a "down-on-his-luck beat cop [who] can hear people's thoughts, including the secrets of a captured terrorist," while Leonard Robert's D.L. Hawkins is "a prison inmate [who] mysteriously finds himself waking up outside of his cell. " Would have been nicer to, you know, actually see that in the pilot.

On the other side of the world, other people are also experiencing awakenings of their own. In Japan, Hiro Akamura (Masi Oka) is a bored Japanese businessman who becomes convinced that he can alter the space-time continuum, slowing down or stopping time and teleporting (and in one nifty sequence, he does actually teleport off of a crowded Tokyo commuter train to Times Square). And in India, college professor Mohinder Suresh (Sendhil Ramamurthy) talks to his pupils about the work that he and his father (a former professor/research scientist turned Manhattan cab driver) have spent their lives developing: a belief that the human genome is changing and that the next step of evolution is happening before their eyes. People with extraordinary abilities are already living among us.

It's a theory that gets Mohinder's father killed and Mohinder leaves India to travel to New York City in order to search through his father's papers, but someone has gotten there first: a mysterious man who has a very pointed interest in both the research work Mohinder's father was doing and Mohinder himself. A man who has a very interesting connection to one of our other characters... (I'm not going to spoil that here.)

As the various characters seem to make their way to New York City, I was expecting some huge momentous moment to occur at the end of the hour, some huge world-altering event that would bring our heroes to the fore, but it never arrives. Many of the characters mention the imminent solar eclipse but it comes and goes with seemingly no consequences whatsoever. Peter gets into Mohinder's cab, they have a (very unrealistic for New York City) intellectual conversation about the nature of the universe and evolution and Peter watches the eclipse from the back of the car. I was hoping that this moment would catalyze everyone's abilities--latent or otherwise--but the eclipse just passes without anything apocalyptic happening. Color me confused.

There is a nice twist at the end of the pilot that I have to admit I didn't really see coming, but otherwise it just sort of peters out into nothingness. Even at a leaner 55 minutes, the pilot drags on endlessly and I was left with feeling alternatingly frustrated and bored. So far, many of the characters seem rather one-dimensional and I'm baffled by some of the casting choices altogether. Additionally, Ventimiglia, usually so affable on Gilmore Girls (he played Rory's bad boyfriend Jess), is rather unlikeable here and he irritates more than intrigues, especially as he seems to be the series' putative lead (unless that's intended to be the absent Grunberg).

David Semel's direction is lush and visually dazzling (especially the opening sequence) but the studio will hopefully pony up some more money for better special effects (see the ending). Writing--by Crossing Jordan creator Tim Kring--came across as lazy and bloated. For a concept with such a rich sci-fi/action/superhero premise, there was an awful lot of talking going on here, and not enough action. What's there instead is an underlying arrogance and unwarranted overconfidence, demonstrated in the Star Wars-style written narration at the opening which goes on to state that this is only "Volume 1" of this ongoing story. Unless the producers can work out the kinks and ratchet up the tension and action here, I wouldn't hold my breath for Volume 2.

Ultimately, these Heroes won't save anyone, least of all NBC's struggling lineup.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The King of Queens/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); Deal or No Deal (NBC); 7th Heaven (WB); Oprah Winfrey's Legends Ball (ABC); 24 (FOX; 8-10 pm); One on One/All of Us (UPN)

9 pm: Two and a Half Men/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); The Apprentice (NBC); Everwood (WB); Alias (ABC; 9-11 pm); Girlfriends/Half & Half (UPN)

10 pm: CSI: Miami (CBS); Medium (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

7 pm: Jamie's School Lunch Project on TLC.

On the final installment of Jamie Oliver's brilliant documentary series ("Taking It to the Top"), Jamie takes his campaign straight to the British government, when he lobbies officials to support his "Feed Me Better'' platform and urges them to ban all junk food from schools. Will he succeed in stemming the tide of childhood obesity, diabetes, and other health problems and get the UK government to feed the nation's children better? Find out tonight.

8:30 & 9:30 pm: Old Christine.

Get two episodes of Old Christine tonight for the price of one! (Well, yes, it's still free.) First, on what was originally intended to be the series' second episode ("Some of My Best Friends Are Portuguese"), Christine becomes friends with another working mom at Ritchie's school, but when she learns where the woman actually works, her happiness soon disappears. Then on the season finale ("A Fair to Remember"), Christine bumps into former flame Burton (guest star Matthew Letscher) and discovers that she does have feelings for him after all. Silly Christine... why'd you let the guy go in the first place? He was a catch!

9 pm: Alias (Series Finale).

If you're into this sort of thing, tonight's the two-hour series finale of Alias ("Reprisal"/"All the Time in the World"). In an attempt to find the final clue to Rambaldi's endgame, Sloane takes Marshall and Rachel hostage and, typically, it falls to the daughter and daddy team of Sydney and Jack Bristow to stop Sloane and Irina (Lena Olin) from carrying out their deadly plan. I stopped watching Alias a while ago, but a sick, masochistic part of me is curious as to how it will end. Did I mention that there's an even sicker, overly critical part of me wants it to end with a whimper instead of a bang?

10 pm: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations on the Travel Channel.

Everyone's favorite sarcastic chef, author, and television personality returns with a new batch of episodes of my Travel Channel must see show. On tonight's installment of No Reservations ("Mexico; US"), Tony travels to the border between Southwest Texas and Mexico, where he'll visit a Texan bar and grill, eat nachos in Piedras Nigras, and take a boat tour of the Rio Grande River. Some rough life this guy has.