Joe Don is Gone: A New Captain for the Crew on "Pirate Master"

Is anyone out there still watching Pirate Master?

I have to say that last night's episode of the, er, pirate-themed adventure show was a little better than the previous week's installment, if only because we got to see tyrannical captain Joe Don get booted from his position of authority and the power structure shift completely. (Of course, the crew is happy when you're making them equals, Azmyth!)

But I was hoping for more conflict when the deposed despot was forced to join the rest of the crew in hard labor and penury. Instead, the contestants seemed to really pay him no heed and the new captain, Azmyth, and his officers didn't even give him a black spot.

Additionally, I had hoped that this series would combine the scheming and treachery of Survivor with the sort of expeditions found on, say, The Amazing Race, but instead the "expeditions" are far too brief (I feel they should comprise the majority of the episode) and, well, rather lame. Find a skull in the water and break it open to find a key? Walk through a waterfall to find a treasure chest? Yawn. I want real adventure, head-scratching clues, and physically-exerting challenges. Plus, having the sabotage at the start of every expedition takes away any suspense and turns a game-changer into something predictable and expected.

Burning questions from last night's episode:

-What was up with Azmyth's truly awful faux British accent? I'm not sure if he was meant to be imitating Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean... or Madonna.

-Why was Joe Don not even in contention for a black spot? I would have thought that the Red Team would have loved to have cut their former leader adrift post haste, but instead they targeted Cheryl, the deputy district attorney.

-Will Cheryl ever stop mentioning the fact that she's a deputy district attorney? (Just wondering.)

-Who the hell is Laurel? Sure, Azmyth and the others felt as though she flew under the radar a bit but I don't even know for certain that we've seen her on camera until last night. For a vagabond who lived in a van for a year, she's certainly coming off rather vanilla on the series.

-What the hell was Alexis doing walking while the rest of her team was feverishly trying to paddle the boat? Let's just hope that producers pick up the castaways after they're cut adrift or the fashion publicist is likely still floating somewhere in the Caribbean...

Next week on Pirate Master ("Death by Coconuts"), flirting between shipmates could turn into full-blown romance, Jay must deal with the fact that Sean went against their deal, and the latest treasure brings a twist in the game: a Royal Pardon.