Reality Check: "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America"

So I finally got around to watching NBC's backdoor pilot/one-hour special, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America last night. (For those of you who missed it, it repeats this Thursday or can be watched--in its entirety--online.)

I have to say, off the bat, that I am surprised that the former Posh Spice isn't a train wreck, but a rather funny, somewhat polished personality who came across at times as refreshingly down to earth. I had expected to tune in to find her having a Paula Abdul-sized breakdown after being forced to shop at Kitson in full view of the papparazzi or crying her eyes out for the mean things that Perez Hilton said about her. Instead, she handled the above, along with taking her drivers license test, getting pulled over by police, and house-hunting, with an aura of calm.

And that's perhaps the crux of the problem with Victoria Beckham: Coming to America. She comes across as, well, a little too nice. Part of the reason people tune into these shows is for the behind-the-scenes factor: catching a glimpse of what it is like to be famous, while also actively routing for their downfall. (We do love to put our celebs up on pedestals and then pull them down.)

The Simple Life presented its celebutants as moronic ne'er-do-wells who unwittingly found themselves in a reality-sized sitcom each week, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List shows a celebrity clinging on to her somewhat-famous status in a comedic fashion, while Hey Paula showed a sign of Paula Abdul that was utterly and completely confounding. Personally, I felt so bad for Paula, obviously going through, er, something, that I found the series distasteful; it wasn't so much of a six-car pile up as it was just depressing to witness her PR peeps working overtime to make some sense of her slurring, highly collapsible persona.

Meanwhile, I don't feel bad for Victoria Beckham; she comes across as a nice enough person, if a little in her own world. But she's also not a villain like, say, Tom Sizemore or Brittany Spears, whom you want to see come crashing to their senses. A potential reality series following the Beckhams therefore seems... a little flat. There's no push to see her as a chronically misunderstood reality series character. Instead, she did seem to be a good wife, mother, and neighbor, even turning up at the home of a socialite for an afternoon party filled with some freakishly eccentric women, including one in a powder blue pantsuit able to mimic a dolphin's call.

While that's one issue, the biggest problem I had with the pilot or special (call it whatever you want) was that it felt overly contrived and set-up, even for a reality TV show. That first meeting with her new American PA by the pool with her makeup artist and hairstylist, where the "poor" PA--with her baggy clothes and dutiful note taking--put her foot in her mouth when it came to hubby David Beckham? Unbelievable. The fact that said PA contacted an earthquake specialist while Posh is house-hunting? Even more ludicrous. The LA Dodgers just happen to call her right after coming to America to throw out the first pitch? Highly suspect.

Moments like those just scream of producer involvement. I accept that scripting plays a role in every reality television project (either before or after editing), but everything that happened--from the socialite luncheon to the blow-up doll bait-and-switch--felt so completely forced that the ink was still wet on the script pages.

And that's perhaps the biggest crime of Victoria Beckham: Coming to America: taking a larger-than-life celebrity whose every day is a source of tabloid-fodder and turning her life into something as creakily plotted as the Spice Girls movie. After an hour, the only real impression of pouty fashionista Victoria Beckham we're left with is, yes, the girl is pretty Posh after all.

"Victoria Beckham: Coming to America" re-airs this Thursday evening at 10 pm on NBC.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The King of Queens/The King of Queens (CBS); Most Outrageous Moments (NBC); America's Next Top Model (CW); The Next Best Thing: Who is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator? (ABC); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX; 8-9:30 pm)

9 pm: Criminal Minds (CBS); Last Comic Standing (NBC); America's Next Top Model (CW); American Inventor (ABC); Don't Forget the Lyrics (FOX; 9:30-10 pm)

10 pm: CSI: New York (CBS); Dateline (NBC); Traveler (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

10 pm: Top Chef on Bravo.

On tonight's episode of Top Chef ("Latin Lunch"), the chefs must serve their dishes to the cast and crew of Telemundo's "Dame Chocolate," Padma tells the chefs this round is all about timing, and Hung runs around the kitchen with a very large cleaver. Seriously.

10 pm: Traveler.

It's the, er, "season" finale of Traveler tonight. On tonight's episode ("The Exchange"), Jay and Tyler finally manage to connect with the enigmatic Will Traveler to expose the Dexler bomber while Agent Marlow is yanked off of the case.