"We All Know What Happens to the Guest Star:" Nikki and Paolo Exposed on "Lost"

Oh. My. God.

I've been begging for Nikki and Paolo to meet their maker but even I didn't see THAT coming.

Last night's episode of Lost ("Exposé") presented yet another contrary view of their first 84 or so days on the island, this time from the perspective of cannon fodder Nikki and Paolo, who have--as promised by Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse--become iconic figures on the island, even in, er, repose.

I was thrilled to see yet another fantastic episode in a row (three and counting), especially once that hearkened back to the tone of Season One while also presenting us with something unique and challenging: the island's first murder mystery, presented in a style that reminded me of The Twilight Zone or (dare I say it?) Edgar Allen Poe.

We also got some swift answers on what the hell has been going on with Nikki and Paolo (finally!) which finally made sense of their role on the island. Here's the precis: Yes, they were on Oceanic Flight 815. No, they weren't working for the Others (though Paolo did snag one of their walkies). Yes, Paolo had been to The Pearl before, which is why he knew where the bathroom was. Yes, that's why Paolo didn't want them to join the A-Team on their expedition to The Pearl, where he had concealed a set of matryoshka... which happened to contain $8 million in diamonds stolen from an Australian producer's safe right after Nikki and Paolo poisoned him. (And if there was ever a perfect metaphor for Lost, it's the matryoshka.)

Bad girl Nikki wasn't a stripper (as the opening seconds of the episode would have you believe), but a guest starring actress on a cheesy third-rate syndicated show called Exposé (the same show that Locke happened to be watching in a flashback last week); she cozied up to the producer while Paolo, his Brazilian chef, poisoned him. Naughty, naughty.

This week also featured appearances from some of the island's dearly departed: Leslie Arzt, Ethan Rom, and poor Shannon and Boone. Of the latter, Nikki and Paolo run into them at the airport and Nikki says how much she hopes they don't end up like them. I'm still not sure whether she meant a constantly bickering feuding couple or dead. Either way, they ended up exactly like Boone and Shannon: at each other's throats and then buried up at Boone Hill. And in the episode's best Poe-worthy twist: they weren't even dead when Sawyer and Hurley buried them. Mwahahaha.

Was it just me or were the effects and the integration of Nikki and Paolo into the pilot's plane crash on the beach and subsequent moments just effing stunning? It blew my mind to see the two of them in one of the most memorable scenes in TV history and as they crossed paths with some of the series' most iconic locations: the Pearl Station, the yellow plane, the lake where the gun case was discovered.

In Nikki and Paolo, the show's producers created two people that we all hated and then revealed that it was perfectly all right to hate them after all: they were truly despicable human beings who were totally self-absorbed and loathsome. Paolo discovered an underground hatch, found the script bag containing the diamonds under the waterfall and didn't tell his partner-in-crime, instead concealing the diamonds first on himself and then in the toilet's septic tank in the Pearl. He overheard Ben and Juliet spying on Jack and the Losties as they detailed their plans to kidnap Jack and forcing him to perform surgery on Ben (through coercion and the taking of Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley to boot). At no time did Paolo (or Nikki) tell anyone about what they saw. No, Paolo grabbed a walkie left behind by Juliet and Ben and hid it, grabbed the matrioshka when they returned to the Pearl, and remained a liar to the bitter end.

When Nikki discovers Paolo's treachery, she poisons him with a Medusa spider, causing an 8-hour-long paralysis. But she didn't exactly listen to Artz: releasing the Medusa causes a flood of powerful pheromones which calls out to the male spiders. Leading Nikki to become bitten herself as she buries the diamonds (stored in Paolo's undies) and rushes to the beach, where she collapses in front of Hurley and Sawyer, uttering, "paralyzed." (They mistake it as "Paolo lies.") The others investigate the two "murders" and end up burying them with the diamonds... just as Nikki creepy, gruesomely opens her eyes. Brilliant.

Glad that they finally wrapped up that dangling plotline from Season Two that had Hoodie Charlie attempt to "kidnap" Sun at Sawyer's command; Charlie confesses to Sun as to what happened and our girl decks Sawyer at the first opportunity. You go, girl. She even tells our fave con man that she won't tell Jin or they will be digging another grave...

All in all, another awesome episode and one that finally gave us some answers while eliminating two of the most abhorred characters in Lost history. Ah, Nikki and Paolo: you died as you lived, suffocating one another in a series of lies and betrayals. Say hi to Ethan on the other side for us.

Next week on Lost ("Left Behind"): it's an estrogen fueled episode as Kate and Juliet are forced to fend for their lives when tossed into the jungle and left to die but naturally they end up fighting rather than working together when Juliet tells Kate why Jack told her not to come back for him; meanwhile, Hurley convinces Sawyer to apologize for his actions or be banished from the group.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Survivor: Fiji (CBS); The Office/The Office (NBC); Smallville (CW); Ugly Betty (ABC); Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? (FOX)

9 pm: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS); The Office/Andy Barker, P.I. (NBC); Supernatural (CW); Grey's Anatomy (ABC); Family Guy/American Dad (FOX)

10 pm: Shark (CBS); The Office/The Office (NBC); October Road (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: Ugly Betty.

On tonight's repeat episode ("Lose the Boss?"), Betty's family tries to help Daniel sober up and get over Sofia, while Betty is forced to throw together a photo shoot for a famous celeb couple and their baby for the Mode cover, leading Marc and Wilhelmina to get stranded in a less fashionable area of the city.

8-9 pm: The Office.

Had some Office withdrawal last week? No worries, tonight NBC brings you not one, but five episodes of everyone's favorite television comedy. Up first, it's Season One's "Diversity Day," in which Michael's Chris Rock routine forces Dunder-Mifflin to bring in a consultant to teach the staff about diversity. Next up, another Season One gem in the form of "Health Care," in which Dwight is put in charge of choosing an appropriate health care plan while Michael hides in his office.

9 pm: The Office.

More Office goodness! It's Season Two's "Sexual Harassment," in which Michael's appauling behavior with Todd Packer leads Toby to give a lecture on sexual harassment policies.

9:30 pm: Andy Barker, P.I.

On the series' third episode ("Three Days of the Chicken"), Andy and Simon strike when Wally serves tainted chicken at his restaurant.

10-11 pm: The Office.

Still more Office! Up first is "The Injury," in which Michael injures his foot on a George Foreman grill and disrupts the entire office, while Dwight has a personality change from a car accident. Easily still my favorite episode of the series. And closing out the Dunder-Mifflin inspired evening is Season Three's "Gay Witch Hunt," in which Michael outs grouchy and gay Dunder-Mifflin employee Oscar, while Jim and Pam try to move on after that kiss.

10:30 pm: This American Life on Showtime.

Based on the popular NPR radio series, this brilliant new Showtime drama seeks to capture first person accounts of single themes. On tonight's episode ("My Way"), host Ira Glass explores the notion of the cost of stubbornness with two thematically-linked personal stories.