Fighting Nausea: Checking out the Pussycat Dolls

You can't watch great (or even good) TV all the time. Sometimes you have to watch things just so you can experience firsthand how truly awful they are. Yes, I am talking about The Pussycat Dolls Present the Search for the Next Doll.

Many of you wrote me to ask if I had lost my mind when I mentioned I would be watching the series' premiere episode last night. But the fact is that, if the CW was going to do something as heinous as pulling Veronica Mars off the air (the only series they have left with any semblance of critical traction), then I might as well tune in to the garbage with which they replaced the show.

And I'll not mince words: it is truly dreck of the lowest level. It might be executive produced by Ken Mok, one of the EPs on America's Next Top Model, but Search for the Next Doll makes that show look like a Oscar-caliber production by comparison. While ANTM focuses on the girls as they transform into runway models, presenting them with photo shoot challenges, makeovers, and lessons in walking, Search for the Next Doll tries to present itself as "female empowerment," as though the whorishness of the contestants, their criminally slutty outfits, and lack of talent would somehow empower women in the audience.

I was lucky enough to be at the TCA in January when Mok and others defended this point to the derision of the assembled TV critics, who couldn't help themselves but roar with laughter, especially when one critic pointed out that his young daughter thought the show had set the women's movement back several decades. Whatever this show is (putting aside the musical group itself), it has zero to do with female empowerment. (If you're looking for that, I suggest downloading some Veronica Mars episodes from iTunes or, hell, catching Tyra's latest performance on ANTM.)

The show in a flash: 18 wannabes are selected from "tens of thousands" of applicants and given the chance to rehearse and audition for Pussycat Dolls "creator" Robin Antin, who will choose 9 girls to live in a house (surprise!) and duke it out for a spot on the musical group. They're split into three teams, each given a Pussycat Dolls song and dance routine to perfect, and then expected to perform the routine on stage in front of Robin and the other judges (whose names I seriously cannot bother to look up). Somehow, nearly 3/4 of the girls end up with a nasty flu bug and the show takes particular pleasure in showing them (repeatedly) vomiting: in the bathroom, in the bushes, in a plastic bag on a van. It's disgusting and adds nothing to an already tedious show; if this is the most exciting footage they could assemble, that is one very sad fact.

Some of the girls are talented dancers, some are beautiful, and some can sing. They all attempt to do their best while others of their group lay off to the side, hooked up to IVs, awaiting their turn to perform in front of Robin. The performances? Meh. Certainly nothing special, though judging from the constant clips of the actual Pussycat Dolls performing "Buttons" and the like I can't say there's much to compare it to. Plus, if I have to hear "Don't Cha" one more time, I think I may rip my ears off.

Ultimately, The Search for the Next Doll is sleazy, demeaning, and leaves a bad taste in one's mouth. If this is the new face of the CW, you can tell Dawn Ostroff I said thank you but hell no.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Jericho (CBS); Dateline (NBC); America's Next Top Model (CW); George Lopez/According to Jim (ABC); American Idol (FOX); Countdown to Battleground (MyNet)

9 pm: Criminal Minds (CBS); Crossing Jordan (ABC); Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll (CW); According to Jim/In Case of Emergency (ABC); The Wedding Bells (FOX); Anna Nicole Smith: A Centerfold Exposed (MyNet)

10 pm: CSI: New York (CBS); Medium (NBC); Lost (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: America's Next Top Model.

On tonight's episode ("The Girl Who Cries All the Time"), it's makeover time (already?) as Tyra and some celeb stylists make over the remaining girls, but it's a call from home and a nude, candy-coated photo shoot that makes the models tearier than usual.

8-10 pm: American Idol.

Tonight, it's the ladies' turn to perform as the top 8 female contestants take the stage.

10 pm: Lost.

I can't tell you how happy I am that Lost is back on the air again. On tonight's episode ("Enter 77"): Locke, Sayid and Kate encounter Patchy McPatches from that surveillance camera in the Pearl (and who may just have a connection to Sayid's past); Locke still likes to push buttons; Sawyer tries to get his stolen possessions back by competing in a ping pong competition. As one does.